Found out my wife is a lesbian

Me (34m) and my wife (32f) have been together for 10 years, married for 7, and I think I never loved someone so much in my entire life. We met when we were still in college and became friends really quick. She was never really open about sexuality in general, but once I started to flirt with her, to my surprise, she was receptive. In one of our first dates, she told me the reason why she never talked about it was because she had a very low libido, and a few years in the relationship she said she was asexual (at the time I didn’t even knew what that was), and it actually made a lot of sense to me. We build an entire life together. We have a 5-year-old doggo that it’s my best friend in the whole world. We just bought our first house and we are both financially stable. We don’t have sex as often as other couples do, but there are occasions where it happens, like on holidays, my birthday, whenever something really nice happens, and those rare days when she surprises me. The fact that it’s such an uncommon thing really makes it all more pleasurable, and I always felt like I was in heaven every single time that we were intimate. But now it just seems like I was living under a spell this whole time. It started when I begin to notice how often I would catch her masturbating. I always thought that I was just imagining this because every time it seemed like she was trying to hide from me. I was always confused because she could literally ask me any time for sex that she knew I would do it, but instead she would lock herself in the bathroom or do it when I was out. One day I was looking at her Instagram and decided to check on who she fallowed (I was never curious enough to do that), and to my surprise, she was fallowing a lot of (mostly) more masculine lesbians. She always had lesbian friends and that never really bothered me, but since I saw that I started to get more paranoid that she was cheating with one of them. I let that stay in my head for months until I gathered enough courage to talk to her. And her reaction was nothing like I expected. She broke down crying, talking about how bad of a person she was and that she never wanted to put me in a situation like this. She went on about how she hated herself for hiding all of these years, how her family would treat her like garbage (they are extremely religious, so much that I thought it had to do with her repulsion towards sex) and how she didn’t want to lose me but knew that if I found out the truth, I wouldn’t want to look her in the face. And the truth is… I don’t know. I was so speechless that I just stood there. I still don’t know how to express what I’m feeling. Sad? Angry? Desperate? Heartbroken? I don’t fucking know. I love this woman. She was there for me when I discovered my cancer, she was the shoulder I leaned on when my mom died, she was the person that stayed awake all night when all I could do was cry myself to sleep from grief. She is my best friend, the person that know every side of me, that knows how to make me smile more than anyone else. The fact that I can’t even look at her right now makes my skin crawl. Not even in our worst fights we would stay like this. It’s been 3 days and I don’t know what to do. I’m not going to my family’s Christmas because I don’t have the energy. She is locked in her room all day and only comes out to eat. We are in opposite sides of the house not talking to each other. I don’t even know how I’m capable of even creating this account to post this, but I don’t know what to do. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can’t even think. The fact that she spent a third of her life hiding who she is, being forced to have sex with a man, just makes me disgusted with myself. I can’t imagine how miserable I would be if I was in this situation. I can’t imagine a life without her, but I don’t think that things will ever be how they were.

EDIT: this post got a lot more attention than I thought it would. I would like to say that I’m really grateful for all of the advice, and I’ve been reading your replies the whole day trying to figure out what to do. I’m now staying at a hotel. I thought about talking to her like a lot of you suggested, but right now I don’t even know if I would be able to. I’m not sure of how long I’m staying here, but for now it’s the best option for me. I’ll try to reply to your comments now, and again, thank you. A lot of you also shared your similar experiences and they really helped me organize my feelings. I’m still a mess, but definitely better.


Hello there! It’s been a while but I feel like everyone that helped me deserved a update on how things are going since I made the post. First, I would like to thank all of you who responded and sent me messages, it really helped me think more clearly. We got divorced a month after the post, it still took me some time to understand how things would be since we shared basically everything in life. In the end we ended up selling the house. I’m currently living with a friend of mine until I find a nice place for me and my dog since he is quite big and needs more space. I’m doing actually really good, even after everything. Our last face to face conversation happened a few days after the post. I was staying at a hotel and she was the one that called me and asked to talk. It was not easy and I might have said some things that I honestly regret right now, but I needed that. I asked for a divorce that night. We still call each other eventually to ask how things are going, and I know a lot of people suggested that I should cut her out completely, but it’s not that simple. That woman was there with me in my hardest moments, and that confession was hard for her as well. I don’t think I can forgive her for what she did to me, but I can’t just deem her as this horrible person some people said she was. As for her, she is living in an apartment in another city now. I don’t know anything about her love life and honestly don’t really want to. As far as I know she still didn’t come out to her family, but a few of her friends are aware and are there for her. I think this is what I have for now. And again, thank you a lot for helping me!

Sexcapade with Akwa Ibom Nympho

So, we’ve been talking for a while now after I butted into her discussion with the make-up seller on the mall floor at The Palms, Lekki. I joked about her buying too little make-up at the stand despite her bag seemingly big looking, and then the conversation just sort of grew from there. I was expecting her to be rude but no she wasn’t, she saw the joke in it, and found it funny. Isn’t it beautiful when you find someone who understands and speaks sarcasm just like you? And after she was done, we walked around the mall, looking for what else she wanted to buy. I became a willing mall-buddy, trashing things I didn’t like while we laughed at the situations, then settled down for some ice cream where she revealed, she just moved to Lagos for a short time job, and she had no friends really here. Asking me to be a friend, I couldn’t resist because she is hot, and what’s more she’s from Akwa Ibom, and you know what those people in that area are notoriously known for. I was there only to buy a new mouse for my laptop. I hate working without a mouse and as my long-serving mouse went kaput earlier today. I had no option than to go the Palms to pick up. I had to cut our impromptu semi-date short because it was afternoon, so I dropped her off, got her number and picked her somewhere she can get back to work safe. There are sometimes when things just click on the first time, and if I can see how things are going, I may be lucky very soon. And as I thought things were, so they became. After a couple of days of chatting and calls, I went to see her at a high rise in Dolphin estate, that’s when I got lucky. It was in the dark, there was no light, she hopped into my car with a loose bum short, and a singlet. It was then I decided to be adventurous, it was dark and no one was watching, so when we kissed, my hand went down from her holding her face to gently caressing her boobs, she didn’t resist, and she moaned a little into my mouth. So, I intensified the kiss and the boob caress. The adventure with my hands continued, my hands went down and then found the way into her pussy, the skin was soft and wet down there. Softly, I began to rub the clitoris, and that seemed to be like the unlock key as her legs opened further. While I was busy fingering her, I stopped kissing her since her moans had increased, and focused my energy on working her clit while looking side to side, to see if anyone can see what is going on in the car. The real jackpot was when I inserted two fingers in there and then began to dig in more and more. She began twisting her waists, eyes shut, face looking at the roof of the car, moans increasing, her hand holding my hand closer to her pussy. Typically, I like to play matches on home turf, not away. Like you know in football, away matches are tougher but the victories are sweeter but going to the back seat to finish things may not happen. After a while, I unzipped my trousers, and she got her hands on it as fast as she could. She was aroused right now, and after all the intense fingering, she felt maybe something should go my way as well. I ain’t gonna complain. So, I relaxed my mind and enjoyed her wet mouth over my dick. At this point, the time was after 11 and the next day was a working day but I didn’t give a shit, I’m getting my dick sucked in the car. I can call in sick to work the next day. Her hands and mouth were all over my dick as she spat against it, stroked it. She stopped, looked at me, and said “I think we have had enough fun today”. I agreed, she kissed me, re-arranged her outfit while I tucked my dick back in my trousers, and drove home. Thinking about the girl all the way to my house. We continued our chat but we didn’t see again for another week or so. She refused for us to see, I thought she was dodging me but I got a message that said, I should come to pick her up, that she’s lonely and everyone in her flat has gone to their boyfriend’s house. So, right now, I’m guessing I’m her Lagos boyfriend, I didn’t mind the title. I went to pick her up on my way home from work. We went to get food before heading home, and like a child with ice cream, I was already thinking about how the night was going to turn out. We got home, and things didn’t escalate like I thought it would, but it wasn’t so bad either. We changed and had our baths, and when we got into bed. Naturally, I tried to initiate things, but all I got was a kiss and back turn with a warning that all she wanted to do is cuddle and sleep. I and my boner were seriously disappointed, she looked at me and asked if I wanted her to help me with the boner. Who am I to refuse, then she gave me a better version of the head from the car. But this time around, I was relaxed, I’m not bothered about anyone catching us or looking at us. She sat up and bent closer to my dick, I felt her warm hand on my dick, it was erect waiting for the next piece of action, as her mouth descended over my dick, she took the cap in her mouth, sucking it, and rolling the tip of her tongue over the most sensitive area of my dick. She rubbed her hands over the shaft but the main concentration was on top of the dick. It felt so damn good, she teased me endlessly, and I was wondering what the heck she learned all of this from. My body was teasing and turning, as she continued to pile it on, and then I informed her that I was cumming, she jerked the shaft and made sure the cum spread on her boobs. I felt so relieved after that nut, what could make it more insane will be to have sex but she wasn’t in the mood. She left to clean up, and since the cum had stained her singlet she wore to bed, she removed it and got back into bed shirtless. She came back into bed, backing me again, I pulled her back into me, and cuddled her, kissing her ears while my hands were cupping her boobs. She replied again that she doesn’t want to have sex this night, so I told her, how about head. Something about one good turn deserves another. She smiled and laid on her back. I went in for a kiss, with my hand gently caressing her boobs, and slowly twisting her nipples. She moaned slowly, then I began to kiss other parts of her body trailing it down to her pussy, passing through her shoulder blades, earlobes, her nipples, licking through her under boobs, to her navel and just over the top of the pussy. Then I began to tease her pussy, licking all over the sides of the pussy, the tip of the tongue drawing lines around the flesh that surrounds the pussy before I took a gentle tongue swipe over the entire pussy from bottom to the top. My first introduction to her orifice, without separating the flesh, I kissed and licked it then I began with the tip of my tongue running beneath and at the top, I changed to the flat part of my tongue as it invaded her pussy towards the top slightly stimulating the clitoris as a gentle breeze. Her moans then increase as she opened her leg wider then I go to town in between her legs, using my fingers to expose the clitoris then I began to tease, her body begins to respond which is when she pushed off my head, shutting her leg, kissed me and said good night. I couldn’t believe she just let it go like that, she could have more of a good time but she just didn’t want to have sex.  I was disappointed but I didn’t complain. I went to bed, I was into the long game so I’m sure soon we will have sex. I didn’t have to wait long because a couple of hours later, she didn’t wake me up, but she woke my dick up, sucked it, and the sweet sensation woke me up, she was sucking it like her life depended on it but I felt like she wanted it erect. When it got hard enough, she asked me for a condom, I pointed to the drawer next to the bed, she grabbed, and strapped it on herself, I was watching like a third party there. Like everything with her, I’m always the spectator, she climbed on top, and slowly lowered her pussy into my dick, and began to bounce up and down over the dick, and moaning. Her hands on my chest, as her waist went into auto-pilot mode. Jeez, it was so fucking intense being the recipient of being intensely fucked. I’m the one who usually does this, I guess I’m collecting my pension, being served is mad fun. Just like Fast and Furious, I thought she was in last gear. Oh No! She wasn’t! She backed me into a reverse cowgirl situation, she is riding me but this time around she is backing me, and then she went to town on my dick, even better than when she faced me. Her back was so perfectly toned that I wondered if this is the exercise that helped her tone her waist. She fucked me so hard till she collapsed with my dick still buried in her, she came multiple times. She rested a bit then went into the bathroom. I vowed to myself that the next time we fuck, it’ll be me fucking her not the other way around. This has been one hell of a night. Work went intensely well the next day, and the look of this girl will never give you the impression that she can work a dick. I’m thankful for this Akwa Ibom Nympho!

Dr. Deolu Oniranu-Bubble

Deolu Oniranu Inna Orgy in Lagos

If you’re wondering how Nigerian orgies look like, this is how the one I attended looked like, and I wasn’t disappointed at all. I’m sure no one is wondering why I would attend an orgy, it goes without saying. I mean the name is Oniranu. Orgies, threesomes, and anything sex have always been right up my alley. I had been looking forward to orgies and stuff ever since I started this new life. If you’ve been to one in Nigeria or planning to attend one here, then maybe my experience may resonate with you or help you make up your mind if you want to join one. I got introduced into a rather naughty Whatsapp group by a female follower on Twitter that I got quite close to. The babe was really wild, and I was glad she was, she was fully into BDSM which is amazing, as I was looking to venture into that direction, always more exciting when you can get help. I got a live show of that, but that story will be for another day. Maybe there are some parts of BDSM that I don’t mind at all, some of those clips of BDSM are unwatchable. Watching her use the ball gag, nipple clip, and a vibrator was intensely satisfying. Back to the naughty Whatsapp group, it’s for the sex-minded people. Joining the Whatsapp group is easy but requires constant credit sharing to the female members. To join, the user is required to send their nude. When a guy joins the group, he sends a picture of his dick, preferably hard, sort of like a screening process, and before I continue, fake pictures like internet nudes are frowned upon, and it can cause the user to be expelled from the group. Moving on, for the lady, she has to upload nudes of her boobs and pussy, and on a regular, put-up provocative pictures of herself which I guess is why they routinely get free airtime on their phones. So, that’s how that goes down, the group is just how you guess, it’s all about sex, sex, and sex. Everything around it, it’s a daily affair where people discuss sex positions, what they enjoy and stuff like that. Group administration is rotated among users weekly to keep it entertaining but there is a Chief Administrator, usually the owner of the group. Orgies are part of the group benefits, members are asked to pitch in money for these exclusive party where some of these ladies from the group show up. That happens every quarter. I was excited like a little kid about to wear Christmas clothes when planning for the next one started. The date for the party was announced, then I began preparing, doing waist exercises, and drinking all sorts of things, the truth about orgies is that it’s not a place to go and be a one-minute man, leave that shit in your private room or stay out. There will be people there and you may have to slit your own throat to rid yourself of the shame. Hence, bottles of Ale, Jedi, and almost everything in the male sexual vitality herb lady went into the mix like Olamide’s science student experiment. Right around that time, I read about how Kegels are great for men, to control ejaculation. I felt prepared, but the venue wasn’t revealed. It was like some KGB/CIA spy fiction thing. The group admin was holding details about the venue like it’s the new iPhone but leaving news about it circulating around the group to build up the excitement. It was my first orgy so I hit up a couple of guys and girls privately about their availability. They all promised to show up on that day, those ones that I continually had private chats with. A day before that time, I got the address to the place in Ikeja, and the rest of the details more importantly no pictures or recordings should be made. It was an overnight thing, damn. I thought it would be a 3-hour thing but it was an all-nighter. Instead of getting there on time, I waited till 11 pm, you don’t wanna get there early and be the person people call up for the address and shit, No, stay back as long as possible, but not too long that everything is gone, or everyone is tired Luckily, the venue was somewhere around Salvation in Ikeja, a serviced 3 bedroom apartment on the fourth floor. There was a special knock, and I didn’t hear people screaming in pleasure, so I thought I was in the wrong place but people of God I wasn’t. When the door opened, It was loaded with naked people talking, and some dancing. I knew I didn’t miss the address. I was still looking around when I saw some guy getting head on the couch, and all types of boobs, another girl was riding a guy somewhere in the corner. On the table was all sorts of alcohol with mixers and empty glasses, something more prominent was the number of condoms in the tray. They were a lot. As I walked in, the admin pointed to my items of clothing, I got the message immediately, everyone there was naked asides me. I’m not particularly shy about my naked looks, but not 100 percent comfortable but what the heck, everyone else was naked. The thing about orgies is that you may think you’re endowed but when you see what other people are packing that can range from toothpaste cylinder to insecticide-can sized dick, and some as ridiculous as a potato, you’ll be humbled. Mine shriveled up a bit, like a stack of coins, which is normal, it’s definitely a high-pressure area. The size of the junk and performance is up for performance appraisal, who knows what the results will be. Good thing there was no one knew I was the Deolu Oniranu since my connect also didn’t show up, so to them, I was just another randy guy looking for a good time. It was a fucking house, literally. Some people were playing games amidst this craziness. It was just a lot of things going on at the same time, also some were cooking in the kitchen as well, those ones had shorts on. So, it was get something to eat, gather energy then burn it while fucking, it was a simple flowchart, not complicated whatsoever. After a brief internal battle, I did away with my clothes as well, but I wasn’t all that bad, the guys that were more endowed than me would have been at most five guys. Five guys too many sha. I got seated, and introduced myself to some people who were busy, I called myself Segun; another pseudo-identity. I sat in between people who were talking about stuff from the group. On the same couch as me, was this hot lady, who was rubbing my laps which I didn’t mind. Maybe this is how they welcome people, you become public property when you come in here. At that point, it felt like getting into an Owambe party, looking around at everyone eating and it seems like it’s not their first plate. The next instinctive thing to do is get your own first round, the lady besides will be my first round, so her touching was highly welcome. Before I continue, just like clubbing in Nigeria, the people you see are the same everywhere you go unless you’re the newbie there, this was what I noticed, there was camaraderie which means this isn’t their first time. They were buddies who had done these things before probably several times. I was the new dick in this room, and because of that the lady I was sitting with, took the liberty of being the first lady to ‘chop’ the new food. I didn’t mind, she took it further and began to blow me, while the admin stood there trying to have a conversation with me. I just wanted to enjoy the head show before me. She was seated beside me when it started, and the guy kept complaining to me about the traffic situation in Lagos, I wanted to tell him off but the Bible says, Wisdom is more profitable to direct, to ensure I get these invites, I have to play nice even if it’s to discuss with him while this pretty lady had my dick in her mouth, so be it. The head was pretty good then it got intense, then she got off the chair and knelt between my legs to give it her full attention. As a reward for a good job, I massaged her skull, after a few minutes, she stood and went to get a condom, and then cat-walked back to me. At this point, I had already deleted the shy part of me. She strapped me on, I was kind of feeling like Eddie Murphy in Coming To America, the bathtub scene. I enjoyed the service. She rode me till I orgasmed. It wasn’t too short neither was it long either. Enough not be called a one-minute man, and also not too long that she notices the sex is too long. I stood up to go flush down the condom myself, you cannot be too careful with these things. I stepped into one of the rooms which I hadn’t been and it was like another world. I was shocked because, in this room, everything was like a hundred times hyper. There were multiple threesomes going on in there, and some guys even in the queue to join. It freaking looked look the Tag team of WWE, Rick Flair & Shawn Michaels or some weird shit like that. I was shocked… oh my geezus! The two ladies with several guys around them didn’t seem bothered about the number of dicks surrounding them. There was this guy with a dick that looked like a multi-plug extension box on the queue licking his lips. Jeez! I felt like my mouth was ajar. It looked like a typical scene of Bangbros, guys holding their dicks while waiting on their ‘set’. Shining their konko. I went into the bath of the ensuite room, and I found another couple with the lady bent over the porcelain basin sink, getting it hard and rough from the back. Literally, fucking was going on everywhere… I went into the other room in the house, where I saw some ladies giving each other head while some guys just sat there watching with their dicks in their hands, stroking it lightly. Exquisite sight, these ones were into voyeurism I rushed into the bathroom, filled the condom with water then dropped it into the water closet, then flushed, condom = disposed. Now like an Owambe party, after the first plate of food at the party, you then want to eat what you really like. I always had a fetish of joining gangbang so the next room is my ideal destination but this show with the ladies is interesting. I sat and continued to watch which was I realized why women were better at head than guys, she worked it like a badass, she had the other lady screaming all through but on some action, she would wail. I noticed I was getting excited too. I headed for the gangbang room. I stood in the queue, watching the girls take it all asides anal, one in their mouth, another behind them. Guys stood around, condoms already strapped on waiting on their time to get thrust away. We all stood in the queue with the time ticking in our mind as to when it’ll be our turn, no small talk, enjoy the scene, and wait your turn. Similar to waiting at the bank on a long queue with your withdrawal slip in hand, only this time, it’s with your dick in your hand. It got to my turn and I thrusted away, I felt like a porn star, she wanted spanks, so I threw that in as well. I was feeling like Lex Steele, when my time was up, I pulled out too and got on the queue for the other lady. It kept going round and round, the integrity of the queue was assured, no one jumped the queue, everyone respected the order. Eventually, I came for the second time and decided I’m done, this will be my first of many, no use burning out just yet. I took a quick bath, dressed up, went back to the living room to gist with some of the other guys at about 3 AM, then crashed a bit till 5.30 to drive back home. It wasn’t bad at all. That was how I got introduced to orgies in Nigeria.

Dr. Deolu Oniranu-Bubble

You should be grateful your girl washes her vulva in your bathroom before sex

We’re not using your old Nike socks like a new meme implies, but yeah, every now and then, we freshen up with whatever soap you’ve got lying around. And if it makes us smell like pomegranate Dial, so be it. Pussy can smell like a lot of things. I don’t need to list them out for you. But according to one set of memes, it often smells like a particular object: whatever hand soap you have atop your bathroom sink.  As the trope goes, some women are washing themselves with hand soap in the bathroom of a hookup’s house before intimacy ensues. A rendition going around this week shows a crude drawing of a woman with one leg propped up on the sink, scrubbing herself with a photoshopped-in Nike sock and pomegranate Dial hand soap. The drawing is a familiar feature of these memes, seemingly designed to describe this exact scenario. The Nike sock and the specific hand soap, however, are new inclusions. They’re referencing a viral screenshotted set of text messages of a guy texting one of his friends about how a woman came over to his house and washed herself in his bathroom with the duo. “Why this bitch come over last night n washed her pussy with the hand soap and my fucking Nike sock bro,” the message begins. “Slept in my bed the whole night knowing she balled my sock up and put it under my sink. As soon as she took them panties off, I instantly smelled pomegranate.” Why the sock had to be involved in this scenario is something I cannot explain. A hand towel would have been a better choice, or even toilet paper — whoever this woman is, she went rogue. That said, women aren’t collectively washing themselves with socks. Apparently, though, the hand soap thing is real. When one meme about it was posted on the subreddit r/NotHowGirlsWork, many women admitted that they do actually do this. “Uhhh… this is exactly how girls work,” one said. “I’ve done that,” admitted another. “But isn’t that common courtesy? To get cleaned up when you’re a little sweaty?” Frankly, she’s right — it is common courtesy! Anyone should be glad for clean genitals before sex, and sock notwithstanding, men should be grateful. Proud of themselves, even. While it’s really nothing more than a sign that a woman is concerned about how she tastes or smells at the moment, it could also indicate two other possibilities. The first is that you hit her up on short notice and she decided she did want to fuck despite not having time to shower. The second is that she decided to meet up with you, but thought she wouldn’t want to have sex and therefore didn’t prepare ahead of time. Luckily for you, she changed her mind and wants to scramble to make herself presentable for you. Regardless, bow down. As I mentioned, pussy can smell like a lot of things. Hand soap is obviously one of the milder possibilities, and really not that much of an inconvenience. That said, fragranced, antibacterial soaps are notably not great for vulvas, and can trigger infections and irritation in some. So, you should be doubly grateful that she’d take that risk for you. Men should honestly do the same thing! The sock guy is right to be disturbed by his scenario, but others should be a liiiiiiittle more tactful here (this includes making sure your bathroom has washcloths and toilet paper so she doesn’t have to reach for your socks). Do you wanna have sex with the woman or not? Grow up and keep the fact that you recognize the Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day Lemon Verbena scent to yourself.

The riveting, intimate world of ‘cuck text’

It’s one thing to post videos and photos of cuck relationships, but for some on Reddit, the text messages surrounding such arrangements feel far more erotic. You open your phone to see a text from an unknown number. In the message is a video of your beloved wife riding a mystery man, shot POV-style. Are you angry? Of course not — if you switch over to your messages with your wife, there’s a long exchange between the two of you where she talks about meeting a guy at a bar, with you encouraging her to go to his place. Soon after receiving the video, she texts you about how she can’t wait to get home for you to get your turn. While you wait, you giddily share this perfect example of your hotwife relationship to Reddit, where thousands of people will be soon served with an intimate snapshot of this part of your life. On subreddits like r/hotwifetexts, people post and seek screenshots that document cuck relationships like these. But rather than simply sharing porn on the topic, members specifically want to see the text messages that shape these dynamics as they unfold in real life. The fetish here is twofold — it’s both the topic of conversation and the voyeuristic thrill of peering into someone else’s relationship. r/HotWifeTexts, which has more than 161,000 members, is one of the main venues for this type of erotica (though cuck texts can also be found on other hotwife/cuckold subreddits, old Tumblr accounts like TextMessageMan, Imgur and Pornhub). Devoted exclusively to screenshots of text messages between a cuck and his hotwife — or between a hotwife and her bull — the subreddit mostly offers verbal content, but the texts often include nudes or Snapchat images, too. That said, actual porn is prohibited. It’s the context of a sex act that matters most here, not just the actual act itself. There are six categories of posts in the sub: Cheating, hotwife, cuckold and “fantasy” versions of all three. Those tagged “fantasy” are intended to be understood as fictional, while untagged posts are meant to be interpreted as real. It’s unclear whether everyone involved in the “real” text messages consents to being shared on the subreddit, and there’s no rule asking posters to prove consent, either. The tags are meant to separate fantasy from reality, but the posts are nearly indistinguishable — plenty of those labeled as real could be from porn, or otherwise fabricated for the sake of sharing them on the subreddit. Still, members of the group seem to have little preference either way, so long as it looks like an honest text message exchange. Popular posts include Snapchats of women performing blow jobs allegedly sent to boyfriends by the person receiving the blowjob, or screenshots between a woman and a guy she’s excited to sleep with, sent to her husband to make him jealous as well as the sensitivity and mutual desire the relationship style requires. As such, we ultimately feel much closer to the action than we would with a simple photo or video of two people fucking. Another essential part of the fantasy is the idea that we’re viewing an intimate exchange through our phones, communicating in the same way that most of us do every day. It’s so perfectly mundane that it’s believable, and therefore, relatable. But it also points to the extent to which we’ve become absorbed by our phones. It’s not enough that fetishists are presented with the narrative of a cuckold dynamic in the form of a written story, video or photos. Instead, the texting component is integral to the horniness of it all — it makes a fantasy scenario like cucking feel accessible. Though, whether it’s accessible to you might be a whole different story.

Niche Content

For a newcomer, BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism) is a daunting minefield of acronyms, power plays, and difficult conversations. Almost always linked to sexual gratification (and sometimes denial), BDSM requires an open mind, firm boundaries, and a willingness to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Despite the runaway success of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey series, mentioning the “lifestyle” in mixed company can result in dirty looks or an unshakeable social pariah label. Like any kink, BDSM encourages practitioners to get up close and personal with their deepest, darkest desires and interrogate what gets them off. Given the divisive nature of BDSM (think power plays, intentional pain and taboo fantasy), it should come as no surprise that there’s a consumer demand for non-threatening opportunities to learn in private. Concerns about body image, privacy, racism in fetish communities, the threat of real violence or consent violations, and the health of potential partners — especially in the midst of an ongoing pandemic — contribute to misgivings about public interactions and explorations. While written literature has its place, one further carved out by the rise of #smuttok, video pornography reigns supreme in the modern world when exploring sexual fantasy. It’s true that a subgenre of porn exists for almost every predilection. If you can dream of it, you’re probably not the first. But if you are, you’re likely only ever a digital pebble toss away from someone willing to make it. Sex work is not immune to the rise of the creator economy, especially with the Covid-19 pandemic causing increased financial strain for those most represented like Black and Indigenous women, undocumented migrants, and single parents. Sites like OnlyFans, ManyVids, and Pornhub offer women, trans people, and disabled people an opportunity to make money on their own terms, adapting their schedules as needed, without threat of workplace discrimination or harassment. As a result, the opportunities to indulge in a little kinky extracurricular education are more abundant than ever. In appropriate “supply meet demand” fashion, BDSM themed pornography is more popular than ever. The simplest explanation is that more creators means more content and a greater likelihood of finding a niche with a simple keyword search. If you’re willing to traipse through the explanatory weeds, an argument could be made that the current sociopolitical climate has encouraged people to be more adventurous and more honest regarding their sexual desires. As younger demographics dominate the news cycle and political discussion, demands for more sexual expression and openness are becoming louder. Another, equally likely, explanation is that internet porn is a relatively new invention and the world’s varied interests are just starting to catch up. Of course, with popularity and visibility comes scrutiny — especially when it concerns an industry that is constantly up for political discussion. Criticisms of sex work, particularly porn, are commonplace in every arena, virtual or digital. A common refrain is that BDSM themed porn is contributing to normalized violence against women in sexual situations. Some, like Xaya Lovelle (stage name), a BDSM creator, might argue that the key difference between rough sex play and sexual violence as a weapon is consent. “I am obviously against harmful sex, but consent (active and informed) is an essential factor in preventing harm. In my personal experience, others trying to set boundaries for me has led to harm and trauma, because it doesn’t give me space to create and enforce boundaries for myself. And as a survivor, I don’t feel that visible “violence” really defines that which has harmed me; my rapists were vanilla. No one should be able to claim consent on my behalf.”

Mistress Harley (stage name), a findomme and techdomme, would likely agree.

“Practitioners of BDSM have a vernacular to discuss people’s desires, limits, and establish consensuality of play between partners. The shorthand for these is “RACK” (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), meaning you understand the risks of whatever particular fetish you are engaged in, and that you consent to those risks. “SCC” is another popular shorthand for “Safe, Sane and Consensual” establishing that all parties have agreed and believe their activities to be safe for their own risk tolerances. One of the most popular admonishments when it comes to sex is that the job must be empowering before those in the industry can be taken seriously. For many women, particularly those who grew into their feminism with Gloria Steinem and Andrea Dworkin leading public discourse, the call to recognize the validity of an occupation that encourages sexual fantasy for the consumption of men might have a hard time getting through. One of the most popular admonishments when it comes to sex is that the job must be empowering before those in the industry can be taken seriously. For many women, particularly those who grew into their feminism with Gloria Steinem and Andrea Dworkin leading public discourse, the call to recognize the validity of an occupation that encourages sexual fantasy for the consumption of men might have a hard time getting through.

Blog Post Written By: Adrie Rose

How To Not Catch Feelings

A couple of weeks ago I found myself at a swanky rooftop bar overlooking Time Square in NYC, enjoying a cocktail and finger foods with a client I had been courting on Twitter for some time. While we had previously had a few phone and texting sessions, it was the first time we met in person, and it was also the first time that he hired a companion. At some point, while we were looking out over the city—flirting and discussing books—he stopped and said, “This feels like a real date.” Of course, the main difference between this and a “real date” is that he was paying me for my time. Other than this (arguably small) detail, we were, in fact, on a date. We were both dressed up, we were getting to know each other through long and sustained conversations about life and art, and we were flirting—building the tension for what would come after we left the bar. Hours later, as we cuddled in my hotel bed, exhausted from the evening’s adventures, he turned to me and asked, “How do you handle the emotional part of this job? The romantic part?”  The question pulled us out of the fantasy that we had co-created, and pushed us to address the elephant in the room: this was not a date that would lead to anything other than, perhaps, another similar such date. While our time together was intimate and romantic, it wasn’t a means to an end; the date was the end itself. It couldn’t be more; it was bounded.  While a fun, intellectually stimulating, and sexually satisfying date is desirable on its own, we are not taught how to conceptualize these experiences outside of the cultural framework of romantic love, and romantic love is seen as aiming toward some end (in a heteronormative framework—toward marriage, or at least toward increased seriousness that often includes monogamy).  The root of my client’s question was, how do you have these experiences and not want more? Or in today’s parlance, how do you not catch feels? Sex work is work, but it is also sex, and this is something that often gets lost in sex work discourse. While lackluster sex is easy to forget, what about the good sex? The intimate and connected sex that makes you feel seen and cared for? If I do my job well, my clients leave feeling sexually satisfied, but also seen and cared for. In order for me to create this experience for them, I have to both see them and care for them. Ideally, sex work is care work; it requires being present enough to be in tune with another person—to know what they need. And often, giving someone this kind of sustained attention also means “catching feels,” precisely because you do see them in all their vulnerability.  Circling back to my client’s question, the way that I deal with the emotional part of this job is by allowing myself to feel those feelings within the boundaries of the session; it means not fighting them or pushing them away when they arise, but also not attaching to them or trying to turn them into something they aren’t (and in this case, what they aren’t are feelings that indicate that the relationship should evolve beyond the parameters of the transaction). This is also the advice that I often give clients when they start to struggle with the boundaries of the provider/client relationship. These relationships can be really fulfilling, erotic, powerful, and beautiful, but their boundedness is a necessary condition for their possibility. In fact, part of the allure of these interactions is that they are confined to these shared moments in time—that they don’t spill out beyond them. These boundaries, in other words, are part of the beauty of these relationships. They are the parameters within which a fruitful playspace can occur, where we can play with big feelings—in the moment—without having them threatening other parts of our lives. They are aesthetic creations, or re-creations, of pleasure and erotic love, and by their very nature, aesthetic creations are ephemeral, they are not meant to be otherwise.  To say that these experiences are ephemeral, or that they are bounded, isn’t to say that they aren’t real. This sort of intimacy—intimacy that occurs outside of one’s everyday life—fosters the conditions and the space to be able to honestly express and play with the emotions that we want to feel without having them negatively bleed into or impact our lives outside of them. So how do I handle the emotional part of the job? I let myself feel whatever emotions come up, and I don’t shy away from my clients’ feelings (so long as those feelings feel safe). And then at the end of the session, I leave those feelings in the place that we created them, as a parting gift… until the next time.

Blog Post Written by: Jessie Sage

Worst booking EVER

I typically am open to outcalls and after last night I’m rethinking it. I’ve done countless outcalls over the past 2 years and have been lucky enough to not run into a bad situation. Plus, I am a full size girl and can defend myself which is another reason I typically don’t feel uneasy doing an Outcall. Anyways last night I have a client book for 3 hours. This is someone I have seen once before at their home for an hour and things went smoothly. Not amazing right but smoothly enough to book again. This second session was NOTHING like the first. For starters this client has the sort of locks that require a key on both sides to enter and exit. I hadn’t noticed this the first visit. Next, this client literally wants to bust nuts the ENTIRE session. But wants me to mostly be on top doing all the work and wants me to over exaggerate my pleasure/talk dirty. After he has already busted 3 times he stops to ask me “I just want to ask and it’s probably a no, but how many more condoms do we have to use before we don’t have to use any anymore?” I just looked at him like you can’t be fucking serious dude. This client also has cats. I am allergic to cats. The first visit went smoothly and I just had to take Benadryl once I got home to stop the reaction. This time about 90mins into the 3hrs I broke out in hives everywhere. Red, swollen, and itchy. Even between my legs from laying naked in the bed. He’s still trying to keep going and I have to stop him and tell him I’m sorry but I’m covered in hives and I need to go home because this is only going to get worse and I am extremely uncomfortable like this. I tell him we can schedule another 90min session sometime for Incall instead so that this doesn’t happen. He agrees after a minute but says “we could try it I suppose. I don’t do in calls because I like to have control over the situation”. Hmmm makes me feel even weirder. I get dressed we go downstairs so I can leave he goes to the door and says “oh I didn’t realize I locked it out of habit. I promise I’m not trying to kill you or do anything weird”. Definitely felt very bad vibes and left as fast as I could. My screening is pretty thorough and nothing weird came up about him but fuck did he turn out to be strange and uncomfortable.





  • “Because I like to have control over the situation”? 🤨 Big yikes. Lol “we can try it”. Like no, that’s what we’re doing. I would MAYBE try to reschedule the other 90 mins for Incall, but I would lean more towards not seeing him again period. The condom thing was so much ick too


  • Right 😫 he seemed totally normal the first time we met and then the second time he was a completely different person 🤢 I guess that’s a classic boundary pusher though. Just trying to see how much they get away with. It was also the locks thing that really scared me!


  • I’m at the point where I’m going to do my best to never see anyone twice. Regulars are becoming the bane of my existence


  • By being in control he means, secretly video it. I’ve had 2 guys say this to me and both turned out to be recording


  • Add,” Do you have cats?” To your screening questions. Make sure that you also make it clear that you only offer covered services. If you really want to reschedule that’s up to you. You don’t have to see him again, he’s not very cooperative and respectful.


  • That’s a great idea! I will mention in my ads I’m allergic to cats. As for the condoms I think he was just attempting to push boundaries because the first thing I do in every appointment I have is discuss boundaries from both sides before we begin getting intimate. If they have a problem with my boundaries there in that moment, I will end the appointment.


  • This sounds like my personal hell😳 when people say msog I say maximum 2 so they know or like if they don’t ask I would say 2 times max in an hour and I think that’s very fair. But that sounds horrible taking advantage of the appointment I feel. I had someone for the first time the other day for an hour and a half he did stuff the entire time I was getting so mad


  • I typically don’t mind msog when it’s timed out right. I don’t offer anything less than an HR and typically I make time for 2 pops in an hour. But it’s just like geez guy give me a rest in between 😫 I hate getting booked as someone’s personal sex doll without a small amount of conversation, massage, and relaxation that’s why I advertise as girlfriend experience.


  • Block and delete and move on. The money for the 90 mins you didn’t use was a TIP. You let him bust 3 nuts and dealt with his bs and his cat who fucked you up. You felt uncomfortable. Lose the loser and never see him again. It will make you feel better about it. Now rest babe you deserve it.

I Hate This Job, I Hate It I Hate It I Hate It

I absolutely fucking despise it. I don’t want to do this anymore, I hate it and I’m more and more disgusted every day. It’s online SW, but I’m so fucking fed up with it. Idk how tf I did it for 4 years. I can’t do it anymore, i don’t want to do it, but it’s either this or be fucking poor like I’ve been my whole life up to this point. I’ve been born poor and will most likely die poor. The money is dropping lower every day, every month, all my socials either get shadow banned or not get any attention, I need to do more of shit I don’t like and I find repulsive for these fuckers, it’s not fucking worth it anymore and I hate it from the bottom of my heart. Idk what to do. I’ll probably delete this when I come back to my sense but I keep having this kind of breakdowns and I need to vent, I’m sorry guys





  • No need to apologize for venting. I’m full service and I’m also starting to hate it. It’s exhausting and frustrating. The guys seem to be getting worse by the day. I would quit today if I didn’t need the money. Offering you a hug OP. You aren’t alone


  • Sorry to hear you are in the same boat 🙁 appreciate the hug and kind words. I hope things get better for you and me both. I’m seriously considering quitting but I need to find some kind of safety net before and it looks like there’s no resolution


  • I was at the same point a few weeks ago and I decided that it’s time for a break for online SW. I was also too fed up


  • I hope this break helps you 🙏🏻 I’ve been somewhere here before a few times, but never so bad and lasting so long. It’s been a few good months since I’m feeling like this and it’s just worse and worse.


  • I’m at the same point too. This year will be my fourth in online SW & I feel so low. My money has dropped significantly since November; that’s when I started feeling depressed & having anxiety attacks about work. Online SW is so hard. I feel like I’ve given too much to these guys & have nothing to show for it. I feel defeated & drained of all my joy. I’m in counseling now to deal with my anxiety & low self-esteem directly stemming from this job & having my self-worth determined by cheap men that want nothing more than to take from me in order to make themselves feel good. When I started SW I thought it was going to be the beginning of my wealth building journey. I’d heard of girls buying houses, paying off debt, going on lavish trips, & providing for tier entire families off of cam. I thought that could be me but for the most part I still lived paycheck to paycheck. Four years in & I feel I have nothing to show for my time in the industry. No loaded savings account. No new car. No lavish gifts or sugar daddies. I’m currently studying to get my real estate license so that I can become an investor/agent & no longer have my money tied to sex work. It’s going to take a few months but it is a light at the end of the tunnel. Until that time comes I’m still stuck in the dark & constantly feel like a failure.


  • I can strongly recommend this, a good part of my business is in re today, it’s going really well (better than ever before) but many re agents and investors are quitting the industry right now as increased interest rates combined with higher material costs and tougher requirements means a smaller pool for all the fish. BUT: By the time you finish your studies and the industry is going strong again there will be a great demand for ppl who are willing to take a risk. You’ll do splendidly! ♥️ best thing about being an entrepreneur is that you can do it while being a sex work, if you have the drive and energy (money can be VERY motivating, I’m telling you).


  • Thank you for your kind words. I have a feeling that one I get over this hump I will really enjoy real estate & see myself doing well in it. I know the money will be a great motivator. I’m just stuck in that horrible in-between spot where my SW business is declining but my real estate work hasn’t truly started. I wish I was one of those girls that made so much money in SW I could use it to invest immediately but I was never that fortunate. Idk if I want to continue SW once I get my license. I don’t want to throw away the fan base I’ve built up over the years but I also know that these men are going to continue to be cheap & make me question my worth & I don’t like that.


  • The economy is coming and going in waves. Once business starts to grow, all your businesses demand your attention. Just take care and look for the times where money is scarce and plan ahead accordingly. I had a lot of luck, getting to know the right people at the right time. (And this is the hardest part to admit as a business owner that it is not really depend and on yourself but more how you manage people, resources, time and opportunities)


  • I’m having a break too. Lately I can’t say I’ve been working, because that means earning, which I absolutely have not been. Fuck off freeloaders, those who just want to sit and chat like I’m a community fucking therapist, those who expect me to do things outside of my boundaries, those who think because they spent a little money they deserve all my attention, those who think I want to be their girlfriend etc. This is my fourth year too on and off, I’ve done FSSW too, tried to get back into it but have been unsuccessful. I’m sick of it all too so I’m using the perk of the job where I can leave it alone for a bit without being fired. Maybe once my bills start piling up I’ll find the motivation (even through pressure) to come back lol. You’re not alone


  • I feel you. While I have IG & TT accounts, I don’t use them after seeing all the hypocrisy with how the sites are ran. I just don’t have it in me to expend energy into another promotional platform that has no realistic way to be lucrative. I’m about to start focusing on my clip sale sites that have internal traffic because when I put out new videos, I make sales. I plan to build my Fansly here soon too. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. Many of us are feeling the squeeze. I wish you healing and peace 💖


  • I’m sorry :(. I understand working with a disability, it takes three times more effort to get anything done. I’m so envious of people who can produce content every day. I get that not all of us can afford to take a break… but please do if you can. Give yourself a chance to think about life without it without all that pressure to produce.


  • Do you have access to a doctor? I wonder if you could get something like a beta blocker to knock the edge off? Or you could try Valerian tea maybe? Not ideal but there are lots of things that would be better for your health than drinking a lot- maybe one of them would work for you. I’m so sorry, sweetie. I hope you get in a better situation for you soon. Hug.


  • Thank you I definitely need to make a change. I’m on a quick tour going home tomorrow. I got a psych meds prescriber this year and I’m trying anti-depressants but the process is really long. They start you off on a tiny dose then you have to take it for at least 6 weeks to feel the full effects and if you don’t like that specific drug you have ween off and try again. It’s not quick like a shot of vodka. I definitely need a change or I won’t be able to keep making money from SW I’m like falling part a bit


  • i also take antidepressants and psychiatric medication is very dangerous. especially if you combine it with alcohol and/or other drugs. you get withdrawals if you don’t have your antidepressants and in years they affect your liver and kidneys. i would re-consider starting them if i was you. also many people feel at this uncomfortable mid-point a numbness where they don’t feel horrible but can’t cry or feel happy either so i worry how all this would add up in your situation. also antidepressant & all psych med, have many side effects. the one I’m on gives me a very dry mouth. horrible for sw. i wanna get off them but getting off them is horrible cause of withdrawals.


  • Baby I understand where you are coming from I’m doing sw online an in person too an it’s hard for me to build a strong following and getting subscribers on my O.F that’s why I kinda gave up on it but not the in person one yet I will either retire or semi-retired this year sometime it’s mentally and physically took a toll on me too luv if you want to take a break go ahead for as long as you want ain’t no amount of money is worth your mental health an stress levels take care of your self ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


  • Hey babe, I’m so sorry you’re going through a hard time! I relate to this so much. I also don’t really like this work, and I’m in the same boat as you, I need to do it for the money. My family is poor as well so they can’t help me. I think it definitely takes a really strong mind set to do this work long term. I’ve been doing fssw for about 4 years now full time and I find it really difficult. It is really exhausting both mentally and physically. I also deal with depression and anxiety. Every day is a struggle. Personally, I find looking after myself to help a bit, by doing some form of exercise most days and trying to eat as healthy as possible. But I do get days when I wake up totally wrecked from being booked put the previous day and can’t get out of bed. All I can say is try to make an exit strategy, this will give you a light at the end of the tunnel to aim towards and will make the work more bearable.


  • I get it. I’m exhausted too 🙁 my two big tiktok accounts both have been banned recently – one at 400k and one at 100k. I’m just exhausted by it- I don’t like having to restart constantly and having the rug ripped out from under me over and over, while I see other girls accounts growing to a million followers because they’re lucky enough to not be banned. I’m not doing anything differently than them, I’m just unlucky 🙁 I know what I could be making if I wasn’t facing setbacks constantly and it makes me so angry.


  • Ever thought of in-person sex work? When you’re online, you’re bound to attract trolls and weirdos hiding behind a screen. You will run into weirdos during stripping and escorting as well but you’re also bound to run into more normal people as well. With escorting you can select your clients, if someone gives you a weird vibe then don’t see them.


  • What kind of career would you like to be in? My online SW is just for fun money, and I really think that’s the right balance for me. There was a period where I wasn’t making a ton at my regular job, and my bf told me I might have to do more cam work and I dreaded the idea of feeling forced into it. Maybe you just need a balance.


  • this is why we should have an actual right-to-exist. options so people can genuinely consent to this work or choose the available alternative so they can still support themselves financially. might be worth reaching out to some sw-orgs or radical sw collectives locally and research right to exit in your state/country.


  • Sorry to hear babe. Lots are feeling the burnout right now. I get it. I have moments where I hate it too, but I need the money. I have no choice right now. Be easy on yourself, you aren’t alone. We just got through a worldwide pandemic, and it’s still affecting us. Covid is still here and the world has changed forever. Money is different now and everything is more expensive. I would encourage you to make an exit strategy. Think of a job you want and then wrote down what you need to get there. What works for me is to have a vision of what you want and work towards it. I understand you are disabled. There must be a good paying career you can do within your abilities. Start a course part time, learn from home. Maybe you can make payments, or get a small loan. sw isn’t forever and it would help you to keep your eyes on the prize of what you really want.


  • This thread is so sad because it’s too relatable 😢 Did onlyfans for a month and couldn’t do it anymore so I was doing full SW for 3 years but also having a “boyfriend” who beat me into suicidal thoughts when I felt depressed and then burned out was enough for me. Took a 1 year break and I am currently in the process of going back to school but SW is calling my name. I could never understand when people told me it’s a vicious cycle, now I do. I have a very good boyfriend husband material the whole package and who gives me 5k a month to survive but I get so annoyed. I feel better single It’s like I miss my old life 🤷‍♀️


  • How much is yours? Since you are so concerned with it. A lot of men I know would fuck a hole in a tree. I had a single sexual partner my entire life, but it was only by chance. Sex is NATURAL and NORMAL, is what nature intended EVERY species to do as much a possible in order to keep the species alive. How do you think the human species became the most widespread? It’s because we really like sex, you misogynistic moron. If both of the sexes of a species don’t like sex, it means there will be RAPE. Do you like raping women? Or is it only men who should have sex? Meaning that they should have it with other men exclusively (you know, since women are not allowed to enjoy and want sex), by your logic. I hope your dick nevercomes close to any vagina since you clearly lack not only basic biology, but common sense as well. Whatever woman has sex with men like you is either a victim or an idiot. You can’t expect women to have sex with you, but not like sex in general. That’s a very predatory mindset. Incels really have a lot of free time on their hands to come in places where they clearly have no business.

Escorts who are not ‘high class’ are still escorts. And they’re not working any less hard than you

I get that you want to put forward that sex work is a stable and legitimate industry. I get that you want to put it out there that you enjoy your work. (I do too). But like I’m not here to be part of a community that doesn’t consider anyone who isn’t earning 2k nights a worker. Or like that doesn’t consider the majority of workers are doing it because they’re not in positions of economic power, or status. They don’t have degrees. They didn’t choose this over another stable job. A bunch of them were abused and were homeless and you’re not better than them. You don’t work harder than them. A lot of us have past or current drug issues to the point where I got four DMs saying variations of “hey thanks for actually talking about yours, I’ve not felt comfortable doing it on the forums because of down votes” when I posted about gangs/drugs being difficult to avoid in my area. Like just have some consideration for this community being varied. And have some consideration that if you’re pulling five-star hotel meets on the regular you are not the ‘average’ sex worker. The average sex worker doesn’t have a smartphone or half the shit you or I have. The average worker isn’t a white cis girl in her mid-twenties with her own apartment and a degree. You made it, that’s a good thing, but a lot of girls are still struggling and it’s not because they’re not experienced or didn’t try enough. This society you can get a lucky draw, or a string of lucky draws, and you can use those to boost yourself with some grinding out work. Some people don’t get those lucky hands, some people grind out work and it doesn’t boost them up. That’s not fair, but this society isn’t fair. Like I remember my first post was about an assault on call and I deleted it because the majority of responses were polite variations of “well you should have screened better dumbass”. And like I know a lot of you genuinely believe that. Genuinely believe the people out there struggling is doing that because they’re dumb, or inexperienced. And like I don’t know at this moment I can’t deal with a community that is increasingly hostile towards people who are struggling and not giving you a come up story like “I was homeless and now I’m not! Thank you sex work”. Like people in marginalized areas and niches don’t exist to provide you with a stream of ‘success against the odds’ feel good stories. I know a lot of girls want to be like “yo this is bullshit” but they don’t because you’ll down vote them to hell or tell them it was their fault. Anyway. I know this is a negative post but, like still a big fan of this community and the fact it exists. Still a big fan of a bunch of posters here you make my day! Just think we can do better. Gonna take a break from posting and be back whenever. Just wanted to say it.





  • This is something I talk about with clients A LOT. Sex work is legal in my country, and with the sex work positive attitude of support organizations and workers there can be a real sweeping under the rug of the darker parts on the industry because it doesn’t support their message/hopes for the industry. Start talking openly about the huge number of workers who are forced by circumstances into work and the public mindset might shift back into wanting to criminalize it again. Better to keep it empowered and Netflix worthy. But there are workers in shops here not allowed to turn down any clients for any reason, working for hardly anything per job, forced to work back to back clients for 12-14 hour shifts, arriving in debt or not speaking English so they can be taken advantage of. Clients I’ve talked to who complain about the poor experience they’ve had at these places with workers who ‘clearly weren’t into it and didn’t like me’ get a fucking ear full from me. Even in the higher end shops here the shifts are so long and such late hours that drug taking on the job is expected. Practically every worker I know has been assaulted or had scary things happen to them on the job, no matter what price bracket you’re working in. This job isn’t all orgasms and rolling in piles of money. When it is that’s a huge privilege. Thanks for keeping it real and keeping us in check


  • Rate shaming isn’t allowed here, because it serves no purpose. If you see any rate shaming, please flag it so the mod team can remove it. Like everything in life, we are always learning. Thank you for sharing this valuable insight.


  • Screening is not 100% and I’m sorry that you were invalidated by people telling you essentially to screen better and blaming you. I don’t understand the holier than thou and elitism within the sex work community as if we don’t all face adversity in some way. Granted we have a lot of privilege like you said compared to most but at the end of the day none of us are better than anyone.


  • It was a while ago, I’ve been posting on here a lot since then and like don’t get me wrong I genuinely like this community! Just every now and then I read up voted comments that make generalizations so removed from like. the actual reality of this work for the majority of workers, or I see people dunking on someone less fortunate than them and it’s just like…. Why? I mean I get the elitism when you’re on call, when you’re working with clients. Like for security purposes and for the purposes of branding, I’m the best, I’m a goddamn princess absolutely not to be fucked with. But I feel people should be able to turn it off when they’re talking to other workers, especially ones who are struggling. “That wouldn’t happen to me, I’m queen bee” like fuck you are, give advice sure but don’t talk down to someone and assume that something fucked up happened because they just didn’t work as smart as you. I’m not afraid to admit I’m legit vulnerable and my work is dangerous. And that’s being in a position more privileged than most of the workers out there.


  • Former sex worker here. I agree with this post 100%. I was in and out of the sex trade for about 13-15 years. (Being vague because reasons) I was doing it to eke out a meager living or maybe some extras. My first clients were relatively safe but I lucked out. Many of my fellow sex workers weren’t. For clarification, I took my first client in the mid to late 90’s and it was in Southern Europe. I currently live in N. America and plied the trade here in the latter half of the noughties/beginning of the 10’s. I also happen to be male. I was scared when I started. All my clients were word of mouth but I was never sure what I was getting into. I got lucky. Screening was not something I’d heard of and even when I transitioned to the N. American market, I had no clue about screening. It was all a gamble but I did it out of need. Was I privileged? Yes, I was. Was it still dangerous? Very. I had to work hard at getting myself out there to make the little money I could get and the clientele was demanding. I had close calls. I still have nightmares about a few. Btw, I only ever had male clientele. What I want to say is that I never saw a $2000 night. In fact, the most I made from a date was $300, and that was rare. I had to do what I had to do, though and I know for a fact that what you can charge for services does not lessen the amount of work. Please go easy on the down votes. I’m a long time lurker but, being male, I try not to tread on women’s voices.


  • As a woman of color who isn’t a size 4, this is so true. They’re white, skinny / small breasts small ass, nice clothes and lingerie, that’s it. That’s the only reasons people think of them as high end and elite versus a girl who’s curvier or BBW, isn’t white, and isn’t wearing La Perla. I call myself high class, and I’m NONE of these things, and I’m proud of it. Bet your ass I’m high class even though I have 3B hair, brown skin, and huge titties that can’t fit into the average La Perla bra.


  • White with nice lingerie and really thin – I’d add the last part. I totally relate, I compete against those girls too. I’m white and have nice lingerie but I’m not thin and I’m a lot older. I can’t charge 2K per night lol. I wish I could!


  • White with nice lingerie and really thin – I’d add the last part. I totally relate, I compete against those girls too. I’m white and have nice lingerie but I’m not thin and I’m a lot older. I can’t charge 2K per night lol. I wish I could!


  • Yes, I agree. While I can’t charge 2K and really crazy rates, I do relatively well as a mature escort/dominatrix because of offering a very quality experience and good environment and treating them well, etc. My clients know they could get younger, hotter girls but my personality and manners and attention to detail really count for a lot with them. They would rather spend two or three hours with me for a really fun time than with a snooty girl who thinks they are “sooo amazing”. Personality and manners really matter in this industry too.


  • I mean, I get it but I’m not exactly spitting in the guy’s face as soon as he comes in then giving him a lazy hand job and telling him to fuck off…. I’m not a high class escort and I think for some reason people assume we’re sitting there doing that just because we’re volume workers. I guess one of the main differences is that because I’m doing volume, my makeup, hair, and manners when it comes to getting guys to fucking leave my apartment oh god… Are different. I’ll tie my hair back, patch up makeup, reapply perfume to cover scents from other guys. That kind of thing that a low volume high rate escort might not have to do… Because with one or two calls a day they can chill, heck redo their whole outfit / makeup and wash their hair, stay an extra ten minutes with a client. Stuff that I can’t really do.


  • I’ve done back to back clients plenty of times, no time to do major repair work on face and hair. Mouthwash and a hit of the curling iron and fresh panties is about all I have time for in those cases. But I’m not a 2K/night girl at all. In Europe, I charge around 200 USD/hour and in Asia (where I have to pay hotel costs), I’m ask around 225 USD/hour. These are not high rates, but I work in countries where sex work is legal and that lowers the cost, there is a lot less risk.


  • Those of us with the privilege to do sex work as a career work on the backs of those who have done sex work as an only option. As a community, we have the obligation to protect those with less resources. Sex work has always existed as a way for those on the margins of society to survive. It reminds me of the “cannabis curators” who act like people haven’t been jailed for doing the same thing without a fancy Apple store-ass dispensary. There’s a very sad element of internalized misogyny and rape culture here too. If you haven’t paid for an entire security apparatus and IT team, then it’s on you if you get hurt. Fuck that so hard. Thank you for posting this. Let’s all do better. (Sorry for all the social justice-y buzzwords, I don’t know how to express these ideas without them but they instantly make me sound like a Twitter thread)


  • Yeah this is really well put. Like, the history of this work is insane. We’re the oldest form of employment around and, historically one of the few ways women have taken power back from hopelessly oppressive situations. people talking about their come up but we’ve got actual real life empresses using their sex work as a method of social mobility until they were literal honest to god royalty. There’s a street worker I know in my area. She’s poor. Like, dirt fucking poor. Homeless pretty much (it’s complicated) me and her were talking the other day, this guy chucks a packet of half eaten donuts at her and says some classic fucking cunt line like “there, least you can’t spend this on drugs” I was fucking livid. But that’s like fucking daily for her. And people think like, “yeah well you get tough on the streets” but she fucking cried. Like I don’t know where I was going with that but her life is miserable at the moment. And I don’t know, when people talk about sex work they’re not including her. When they talk about ‘the average’ they’re not thinking about the tweaker they walked past because they’re not in the same class as them. But what we do is the same. We fuck, for money, for social mobility, power, status. Not everyone gets to conquer Byzantium, and our industry isn’t all Prada and sunshine. I think your dead right we have an obligation to always be considerate, always fight to protect those less fortunate, and always consider the history and context of the work we do. Regardless of how social justice that sounds.


  • Omg I love this!!! Like I get that some of “us” do get lucky and only do $1,000 appointments but like u said it doesn’t make u better than the girl standing on a corner. I hate the judgment. Like if I use drugs you’re better than me? The same girls that put others down like 2 lift their noses up at drug addicts. Like yeah I’m am addict but no not all my $ goes on my drug if choice. And no just cuz u where lucky enough 2 not fall 4 drugs that doesn’t make u better than me. Cuz at the end of the day we all in this 2gether. Why not keep each other elevated instead of down? Oh yeah… cuz u just want 2 b the 1 shinning and u wouldn’t want me stealing your shine. That’s how we sadly think.


  • I agree. I am extremely tired of those who think because their rates are higher, makes them more elite, higher class, and that those that charge less are bottom feeders. It’s a marketing strategy, knowing what the market will bear, knowing the financial area etc., has a lot to do with what rates we charge. As with any business, we can charge ourselves right out of business if rates are too high for the location/area we work out of. Each one of us knows, or should know our worth. Screening, needs to be addressed no matter what. Make it a priority to keep yourself safe. Has NOTHING TO DO with how far up the food chain and fees that are charged. Typically, not in all cases, those clients that are willing to pay lower rates are usually a sketchier client than the average businessman. Use your head, listen to your intuition and gut. If you can’t find or don’t know how to screen, find someone in the business that you might be able to share expenses with on screening sites and let them screen for you. Or pay them $20 to screen a guy, be resourceful, be diligent. We should be helping one another, not in competition with one another or putting someone down because their rates are lower.


  • I feel like this has gotten worse since SESTA-FOSTA, as the need to publicly legitimize the profession has increased. To me, this feels a lot like what has occurred in the queer community over the last handful of decades. That community was (and still is) often represented in public discourse by wealthy, educated, conservative, white gay men, and in many ways has benefitted from their privilege. However, in that demo’s attempt to assert to conservative non-queer folk that we are “just like them, only gay”, the experiences of people with more marginalized identities get silenced or erased – including inside the queer community. This has always been an issue inside both queer and sex worker communities, even before SESTA-FOSTA or the gay rights movement. However, public visibility has amplified a perceived need for privileged identities to publicly represent those communities. Unfortunately, this encourages division within the communities themselves, as those with existing privilege attempt to distance themselves farther from those with less. This leaves *all* of us sex worker with fewer cultural supports internal to SW, in a society that doesn’t really see a $1000/hr indoor worker as much better than a street worker. And the internalized oppression that comes from being a sex worker in a society like that affects all of us, including those who would attempt to distance themselves from more marginalized workers. TLDR~ You’re not actually better because you have more privilege. You probably just think so because you want social validation and decriminalization of your career choices, and distancing yourself from street workers seems like a necessary step to accomplish that.


  • Yeah I think there’s a lot the sex work industry can take from queer rights activism. Ways to mobilize, organize, and push to legalize and decriminalize. But also warnings about how capitalist culture works to ‘smooth out the edges’ and replace culture and resistance with a bunch of happy friendly white guys (although in this case I suppose it’s white girls) in suits. I remember a couple of years ago the organizers of pride London let a TERF group lead the parade. And the predominantly white gay male organizers response was essentially “Oops! Well that was a bit of a blunder their chaps”. Like, they’ve got officers marching. In. Fucking. Uniform. To ‘show their solidarity’ and I’m pretty sure they genuinely have no idea how insulting that is to marginalized people of color who probably have to get stop and searched by those same officers the next day. Kids who legitimately get triggered by cops because in their neighborhoods they’re a force of constant ongoing pressure. Like being tolerable to conservative patriarchal society is only a useful tool as far as you can use it to affect change for those who are intolerable to that society. It’s not useful to just make it to the top and then bounce out once you’ve done your sex working, I mean it’s excusable maybe, it’s understandable, but it’s not useful. The fact we have conservative, privilege denying SWs at all is such a bizarre situation. But like the fact they want to distance themselves from the workers who “aren’t like them” because they’re poor and underprivileged is just fucking sad.


  • THANK YOU FOR THIS POST seriously. An ex of mine is exactly the privileged person you’re describing, and lied about me outing them when I spoke up about how she abused and raped me. Imo, a “high class escort” with a degree is someone I DO NOT TRUST AND NEVER WILL TRUST. EVER. One of them is the reason I found out Project SAFE in Philly will protect a rapist if she can give a speech and make them look good in public. They’ll let their members date her despite knowing what I’ve said about her, and she threatened to out the member she was dating, a survival worker, in the lobby of a hotel. I know I’ll get a lot of flack, but a lot of “high class” escorts are abusive class tourists who could do any number of other things, but love that they’re in a world with tons of underprivileged people they can abuse with impunity. I’m sure some of them are ok, but I will never in my fucking life trust a “high class” worker because of my experiences with them. EXTRA FUCK YOU to the people in here who blamed you for a bad experience with a client. You didn’t deserve that whatsoever. Anyone should know screening isn’t fucking foolproof.


  • THANK YOU FOR THIS POST seriously. An ex of mine is exactly the privileged person you’re describing, and lied about me outing them when I spoke up about how she abused and raped me. Imo, a “high class escort” with a degree is someone I DO NOT TRUST AND NEVER WILL TRUST. EVER. One of them is the reason I found out Project SAFE in Philly will protect a rapist if she can give a speech and make them look good in public. They’ll let their members date her despite knowing what I’ve said about her, and she threatened to out the member she was dating, a survival worker, in the lobby of a hotel. I know I’ll get a lot of flack, but a lot of “high class” escorts are abusive class tourists who could do any number of other things, but love that they’re in a world with tons of underprivileged people they can abuse with impunity. I’m sure some of them are ok, but I will never in my fucking life trust a “high class” worker because of my experiences with them. EXTRA FUCK YOU to the people in here who blamed you for a bad experience with a client. You didn’t deserve that whatsoever. Anyone should know screening isn’t fucking foolproof.


  • Jesus, I’m in this to work less hours while making the same amount I was making in my non sex work job. I’m happy making 500 a week, for me that’s a couple hour sessions. I don’t need LV bags or whatever the fuck is the new thirst trap label. I don’t have “FMTY” in my Twitter headline and I don’t refer to my clients as suitors. More power to the girls who are making bank but I just want to get by.


  • Jesus, I’m in this to work less hours while making the same amount I was making in my non sex work job. I’m happy making 500 a week, for me that’s a couple hour sessions. I don’t need LV bags or whatever the fuck is the new thirst trap label. I don’t have “FMTY” in my Twitter headline and I don’t refer to my clients as suitors. More power to the girls who are making bank but I just want to get by


  • And it’s not like my clients expect any less quality/energy from their bookings too. I do GFE. Mostly, mutual oral, deep throating, and chatting about your life as if I’m genuinely very interested are the standard for my bookings, even half my 20min ones which I make shit all off. And if I don’t keep up to standard I lose the regular.


  • I consider myself a very, very privileged sex worker and being an indoor worker has changed my whole circumstance. Even then, on my second ever day on the job I had a client take off the condom mid sex. I wasn’t on because at the time and had never taken the pill so I just remember crying and breaking down outside the pharmacy. I’ve had rougher experiences since. The industry has been kind to me compared to so many others out there but even still it’s a bitter reality check to heard my friend (another sex work) talk about her clients. Tipping well, sees her as more than a fuck machine and don’t push boundaries when she’s firm with them. It reminds me what the industry thinks of darker skinned women and our value. I like to focus on the good because I’ve been so lucky in so many ways but that doesn’t mean that the industry isn’t dark and that “high end escorting” is not the norm but just the loudest voices. Thanks for this post.


  • I don’t think those posters were trying to humble brag or shame other workers. They were just venting about their life. We all exist in a capitalistic (mixed in with a bit of post Protestant ethics) world where we are regularly sold the message that our ultimate goal in life is to earn as much money as possible. And we like stories that encourage that social conditioning especially stories that let us buy in to the fantasy that we too will one day make that much money. So it makes sense that when someone posts about making 2k a night she’ll get more traction because a lot of us our subconsciously thinking “shit I want to make that money”. Again I don’t think that complaining about time wasters or talking about your rates is bragging (or talking about the accomplishments and goals achieving) and I think telling these women to stay quiet and attributing bad motives to their posts is unfair. AND it’s also absolutely important that we take active steps to support our sisters who are earning less, make sure their posts are equally engaged, speak to them respectfully and treat them kindly, and help by offering them resources and pointing out other organizations that might help them.


  • I saw/commented on this in the other post about this that prompted your post here. While I see your point and agree that maybe people (myself included) who comment in this sub are a little more privileged than the average SW, I honestly think you took it a little harshly and you’re hurt by a very US-centric take on this whole thing. You’re in the UK, you have a slightly different degree of risk you take and it effects the market and rates, but most people on here are Americans. Also, while the whorearchy sucks, some of the whole rate thing is because if girls undersell themselves it depresses rates in the area for everyone, and people get a little weird about that for obvious reasons. I get being in a bad position and getting through it with SW and I know it’s different because I’ve been there too, but I think the comments you saw earlier were actual concern about people underselling themselves, not some weird elitism thing. Anyone in the industry should know that screening isn’t 100% though, that’s not cool.


  • This is NOT a negative post. This is a post advocating for the Sex Workers no one talks about unless it’s to shame or blame them. These are the workers that us privileged workers need to be standing up for. The words that come out of our privileged mouths matter! Its fine if you choose not to be in service to those fellow workers but the least you can do is validate them and change YOUR views on the work you do. I’m sick of the whorephobia that still runs rampant in many areas of sex work.


  • THANK YOU. I will die on this fucking hill. We are all the same, and we are one client or one experimental drug phase or one traumatic event or one shady boyfriend away from being hurt, or on the street, or having a pimp, or working for dope money. $200/hour is more or less the average rate for an “average” middle-class (privileged, indoor) sex worker. The average middle-class sex worker doesn’t ask for ID, doesn’t take deposits. She won’t make money. And like you said, even they aren’t the actual average. I don’t know about the whole “the average sex worker doesn’t have a smartphone” thing— I think that might be a stretch— but you’re absolutely right about the fact that street workers and lower rate indoor ladies are more average than anyone else. I’m sick of these girls— who know damn well that their $400, $500, $600/hour rate is not “average”— acting like they aren’t low-key bragging about how “high-end” they are. I’m sick of the elitist circles of “high-end” providers on social media who don’t give new or lower rate providers the time of day. I’m sick of the posts on here that casually mention their clients who take them for a $10k lunch, as if most girls on here aren’t making FAR less than that a month while working their asses off. I’m not saying they shouldn’t talk about it. I’m not saying they aren’t sex workers too. I’m just saying, I think the sex worker community needs to be way, way more inclusive. And we all know the “lower” and “middle” class sex workers aren’t the exclusive, elitist ones. I’m sick of the shaming of providers who use drugs, the shaming of providers for whom sex work is a consequence of trauma, the shaming of providers who don’t have degrees/careers, the shaming of providers who don’t actually enjoy their job. How can we shame the women who represent us? Why do we pretend these aren’t the women who represent us, when they are? We’re all one decision, one tragedy, one loss, one client, or one shitty partner away from an addiction, from a trauma, from working on the street. Let’s fucking treat each other with the love, care and respect our sisters deserve.
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