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Escorts who are not ‘high class’ are still escorts. And they’re not working any less hard than you

I get that you want to put forward that sex work is a stable and legitimate industry. I get that you want to put it out there that you enjoy your work. (I do too). But like I’m not here to be part of a community that doesn’t consider anyone who isn’t earning 2k nights a worker. Or like that doesn’t consider the majority of workers are doing it because they’re not in positions of economic power, or status. They don’t have degrees. They didn’t choose this over another stable job. A bunch of them were abused and were homeless and you’re not better than them. You don’t work harder than them. A lot of us have past or current drug issues to the point where I got four DMs saying variations of “hey thanks for actually talking about yours, I’ve not felt comfortable doing it on the forums because of down votes” when I posted about gangs/drugs being difficult to avoid in my area. Like just have some consideration for this community being varied. And have some consideration that if you’re pulling five-star hotel meets on the regular you are not the ‘average’ sex worker. The average sex worker doesn’t have a smartphone or half the shit you or I have. The average worker isn’t a white cis girl in her mid-twenties with her own apartment and a degree. You made it, that’s a good thing, but a lot of girls are still struggling and it’s not because they’re not experienced or didn’t try enough. This society you can get a lucky draw, or a string of lucky draws, and you can use those to boost yourself with some grinding out work. Some people don’t get those lucky hands, some people grind out work and it doesn’t boost them up. That’s not fair, but this society isn’t fair. Like I remember my first post was about an assault on call and I deleted it because the majority of responses were polite variations of “well you should have screened better dumbass”. And like I know a lot of you genuinely believe that. Genuinely believe the people out there struggling is doing that because they’re dumb, or inexperienced. And like I don’t know at this moment I can’t deal with a community that is increasingly hostile towards people who are struggling and not giving you a come up story like “I was homeless and now I’m not! Thank you sex work”. Like people in marginalized areas and niches don’t exist to provide you with a stream of ‘success against the odds’ feel good stories. I know a lot of girls want to be like “yo this is bullshit” but they don’t because you’ll down vote them to hell or tell them it was their fault. Anyway. I know this is a negative post but, like still a big fan of this community and the fact it exists. Still a big fan of a bunch of posters here you make my day! Just think we can do better. Gonna take a break from posting and be back whenever. Just wanted to say it.

Peace.

 

 

Comments

  • This is something I talk about with clients A LOT. Sex work is legal in my country, and with the sex work positive attitude of support organizations and workers there can be a real sweeping under the rug of the darker parts on the industry because it doesn’t support their message/hopes for the industry. Start talking openly about the huge number of workers who are forced by circumstances into work and the public mindset might shift back into wanting to criminalize it again. Better to keep it empowered and Netflix worthy. But there are workers in shops here not allowed to turn down any clients for any reason, working for hardly anything per job, forced to work back to back clients for 12-14 hour shifts, arriving in debt or not speaking English so they can be taken advantage of. Clients I’ve talked to who complain about the poor experience they’ve had at these places with workers who ‘clearly weren’t into it and didn’t like me’ get a fucking ear full from me. Even in the higher end shops here the shifts are so long and such late hours that drug taking on the job is expected. Practically every worker I know has been assaulted or had scary things happen to them on the job, no matter what price bracket you’re working in. This job isn’t all orgasms and rolling in piles of money. When it is that’s a huge privilege. Thanks for keeping it real and keeping us in check

 

  • Rate shaming isn’t allowed here, because it serves no purpose. If you see any rate shaming, please flag it so the mod team can remove it. Like everything in life, we are always learning. Thank you for sharing this valuable insight.

 

  • Screening is not 100% and I’m sorry that you were invalidated by people telling you essentially to screen better and blaming you. I don’t understand the holier than thou and elitism within the sex work community as if we don’t all face adversity in some way. Granted we have a lot of privilege like you said compared to most but at the end of the day none of us are better than anyone.

 

  • It was a while ago, I’ve been posting on here a lot since then and like don’t get me wrong I genuinely like this community! Just every now and then I read up voted comments that make generalizations so removed from like. the actual reality of this work for the majority of workers, or I see people dunking on someone less fortunate than them and it’s just like…. Why? I mean I get the elitism when you’re on call, when you’re working with clients. Like for security purposes and for the purposes of branding, I’m the best, I’m a goddamn princess absolutely not to be fucked with. But I feel people should be able to turn it off when they’re talking to other workers, especially ones who are struggling. “That wouldn’t happen to me, I’m queen bee” like fuck you are, give advice sure but don’t talk down to someone and assume that something fucked up happened because they just didn’t work as smart as you. I’m not afraid to admit I’m legit vulnerable and my work is dangerous. And that’s being in a position more privileged than most of the workers out there.

 

  • Former sex worker here. I agree with this post 100%. I was in and out of the sex trade for about 13-15 years. (Being vague because reasons) I was doing it to eke out a meager living or maybe some extras. My first clients were relatively safe but I lucked out. Many of my fellow sex workers weren’t. For clarification, I took my first client in the mid to late 90’s and it was in Southern Europe. I currently live in N. America and plied the trade here in the latter half of the noughties/beginning of the 10’s. I also happen to be male. I was scared when I started. All my clients were word of mouth but I was never sure what I was getting into. I got lucky. Screening was not something I’d heard of and even when I transitioned to the N. American market, I had no clue about screening. It was all a gamble but I did it out of need. Was I privileged? Yes, I was. Was it still dangerous? Very. I had to work hard at getting myself out there to make the little money I could get and the clientele was demanding. I had close calls. I still have nightmares about a few. Btw, I only ever had male clientele. What I want to say is that I never saw a $2000 night. In fact, the most I made from a date was $300, and that was rare. I had to do what I had to do, though and I know for a fact that what you can charge for services does not lessen the amount of work. Please go easy on the down votes. I’m a long time lurker but, being male, I try not to tread on women’s voices.

 

  • As a woman of color who isn’t a size 4, this is so true. They’re white, skinny / small breasts small ass, nice clothes and lingerie, that’s it. That’s the only reasons people think of them as high end and elite versus a girl who’s curvier or BBW, isn’t white, and isn’t wearing La Perla. I call myself high class, and I’m NONE of these things, and I’m proud of it. Bet your ass I’m high class even though I have 3B hair, brown skin, and huge titties that can’t fit into the average La Perla bra.

 

  • White with nice lingerie and really thin – I’d add the last part. I totally relate, I compete against those girls too. I’m white and have nice lingerie but I’m not thin and I’m a lot older. I can’t charge 2K per night lol. I wish I could!

 

  • White with nice lingerie and really thin – I’d add the last part. I totally relate, I compete against those girls too. I’m white and have nice lingerie but I’m not thin and I’m a lot older. I can’t charge 2K per night lol. I wish I could!

 

  • Yes, I agree. While I can’t charge 2K and really crazy rates, I do relatively well as a mature escort/dominatrix because of offering a very quality experience and good environment and treating them well, etc. My clients know they could get younger, hotter girls but my personality and manners and attention to detail really count for a lot with them. They would rather spend two or three hours with me for a really fun time than with a snooty girl who thinks they are “sooo amazing”. Personality and manners really matter in this industry too.

 

  • I mean, I get it but I’m not exactly spitting in the guy’s face as soon as he comes in then giving him a lazy hand job and telling him to fuck off…. I’m not a high class escort and I think for some reason people assume we’re sitting there doing that just because we’re volume workers. I guess one of the main differences is that because I’m doing volume, my makeup, hair, and manners when it comes to getting guys to fucking leave my apartment oh god… Are different. I’ll tie my hair back, patch up makeup, reapply perfume to cover scents from other guys. That kind of thing that a low volume high rate escort might not have to do… Because with one or two calls a day they can chill, heck redo their whole outfit / makeup and wash their hair, stay an extra ten minutes with a client. Stuff that I can’t really do.

 

  • I’ve done back to back clients plenty of times, no time to do major repair work on face and hair. Mouthwash and a hit of the curling iron and fresh panties is about all I have time for in those cases. But I’m not a 2K/night girl at all. In Europe, I charge around 200 USD/hour and in Asia (where I have to pay hotel costs), I’m ask around 225 USD/hour. These are not high rates, but I work in countries where sex work is legal and that lowers the cost, there is a lot less risk.

 

  • Those of us with the privilege to do sex work as a career work on the backs of those who have done sex work as an only option. As a community, we have the obligation to protect those with less resources. Sex work has always existed as a way for those on the margins of society to survive. It reminds me of the “cannabis curators” who act like people haven’t been jailed for doing the same thing without a fancy Apple store-ass dispensary. There’s a very sad element of internalized misogyny and rape culture here too. If you haven’t paid for an entire security apparatus and IT team, then it’s on you if you get hurt. Fuck that so hard. Thank you for posting this. Let’s all do better. (Sorry for all the social justice-y buzzwords, I don’t know how to express these ideas without them but they instantly make me sound like a Twitter thread)

 

  • Yeah this is really well put. Like, the history of this work is insane. We’re the oldest form of employment around and, historically one of the few ways women have taken power back from hopelessly oppressive situations. people talking about their come up but we’ve got actual real life empresses using their sex work as a method of social mobility until they were literal honest to god royalty. There’s a street worker I know in my area. She’s poor. Like, dirt fucking poor. Homeless pretty much (it’s complicated) me and her were talking the other day, this guy chucks a packet of half eaten donuts at her and says some classic fucking cunt line like “there, least you can’t spend this on drugs” I was fucking livid. But that’s like fucking daily for her. And people think like, “yeah well you get tough on the streets” but she fucking cried. Like I don’t know where I was going with that but her life is miserable at the moment. And I don’t know, when people talk about sex work they’re not including her. When they talk about ‘the average’ they’re not thinking about the tweaker they walked past because they’re not in the same class as them. But what we do is the same. We fuck, for money, for social mobility, power, status. Not everyone gets to conquer Byzantium, and our industry isn’t all Prada and sunshine. I think your dead right we have an obligation to always be considerate, always fight to protect those less fortunate, and always consider the history and context of the work we do. Regardless of how social justice that sounds.

 

  • Omg I love this!!! Like I get that some of “us” do get lucky and only do $1,000 appointments but like u said it doesn’t make u better than the girl standing on a corner. I hate the judgment. Like if I use drugs you’re better than me? The same girls that put others down like 2 lift their noses up at drug addicts. Like yeah I’m am addict but no not all my $ goes on my drug if choice. And no just cuz u where lucky enough 2 not fall 4 drugs that doesn’t make u better than me. Cuz at the end of the day we all in this 2gether. Why not keep each other elevated instead of down? Oh yeah… cuz u just want 2 b the 1 shinning and u wouldn’t want me stealing your shine. That’s how we sadly think.

 

  • I agree. I am extremely tired of those who think because their rates are higher, makes them more elite, higher class, and that those that charge less are bottom feeders. It’s a marketing strategy, knowing what the market will bear, knowing the financial area etc., has a lot to do with what rates we charge. As with any business, we can charge ourselves right out of business if rates are too high for the location/area we work out of. Each one of us knows, or should know our worth. Screening, needs to be addressed no matter what. Make it a priority to keep yourself safe. Has NOTHING TO DO with how far up the food chain and fees that are charged. Typically, not in all cases, those clients that are willing to pay lower rates are usually a sketchier client than the average businessman. Use your head, listen to your intuition and gut. If you can’t find or don’t know how to screen, find someone in the business that you might be able to share expenses with on screening sites and let them screen for you. Or pay them $20 to screen a guy, be resourceful, be diligent. We should be helping one another, not in competition with one another or putting someone down because their rates are lower.

 

  • I feel like this has gotten worse since SESTA-FOSTA, as the need to publicly legitimize the profession has increased. To me, this feels a lot like what has occurred in the queer community over the last handful of decades. That community was (and still is) often represented in public discourse by wealthy, educated, conservative, white gay men, and in many ways has benefitted from their privilege. However, in that demo’s attempt to assert to conservative non-queer folk that we are “just like them, only gay”, the experiences of people with more marginalized identities get silenced or erased – including inside the queer community. This has always been an issue inside both queer and sex worker communities, even before SESTA-FOSTA or the gay rights movement. However, public visibility has amplified a perceived need for privileged identities to publicly represent those communities. Unfortunately, this encourages division within the communities themselves, as those with existing privilege attempt to distance themselves farther from those with less. This leaves *all* of us sex worker with fewer cultural supports internal to SW, in a society that doesn’t really see a $1000/hr indoor worker as much better than a street worker. And the internalized oppression that comes from being a sex worker in a society like that affects all of us, including those who would attempt to distance themselves from more marginalized workers. TLDR~ You’re not actually better because you have more privilege. You probably just think so because you want social validation and decriminalization of your career choices, and distancing yourself from street workers seems like a necessary step to accomplish that.

 

  • Yeah I think there’s a lot the sex work industry can take from queer rights activism. Ways to mobilize, organize, and push to legalize and decriminalize. But also warnings about how capitalist culture works to ‘smooth out the edges’ and replace culture and resistance with a bunch of happy friendly white guys (although in this case I suppose it’s white girls) in suits. I remember a couple of years ago the organizers of pride London let a TERF group lead the parade. And the predominantly white gay male organizers response was essentially “Oops! Well that was a bit of a blunder their chaps”. Like, they’ve got officers marching. In. Fucking. Uniform. To ‘show their solidarity’ and I’m pretty sure they genuinely have no idea how insulting that is to marginalized people of color who probably have to get stop and searched by those same officers the next day. Kids who legitimately get triggered by cops because in their neighborhoods they’re a force of constant ongoing pressure. Like being tolerable to conservative patriarchal society is only a useful tool as far as you can use it to affect change for those who are intolerable to that society. It’s not useful to just make it to the top and then bounce out once you’ve done your sex working, I mean it’s excusable maybe, it’s understandable, but it’s not useful. The fact we have conservative, privilege denying SWs at all is such a bizarre situation. But like the fact they want to distance themselves from the workers who “aren’t like them” because they’re poor and underprivileged is just fucking sad.

 

  • THANK YOU FOR THIS POST seriously. An ex of mine is exactly the privileged person you’re describing, and lied about me outing them when I spoke up about how she abused and raped me. Imo, a “high class escort” with a degree is someone I DO NOT TRUST AND NEVER WILL TRUST. EVER. One of them is the reason I found out Project SAFE in Philly will protect a rapist if she can give a speech and make them look good in public. They’ll let their members date her despite knowing what I’ve said about her, and she threatened to out the member she was dating, a survival worker, in the lobby of a hotel. I know I’ll get a lot of flack, but a lot of “high class” escorts are abusive class tourists who could do any number of other things, but love that they’re in a world with tons of underprivileged people they can abuse with impunity. I’m sure some of them are ok, but I will never in my fucking life trust a “high class” worker because of my experiences with them. EXTRA FUCK YOU to the people in here who blamed you for a bad experience with a client. You didn’t deserve that whatsoever. Anyone should know screening isn’t fucking foolproof.

 

  • THANK YOU FOR THIS POST seriously. An ex of mine is exactly the privileged person you’re describing, and lied about me outing them when I spoke up about how she abused and raped me. Imo, a “high class escort” with a degree is someone I DO NOT TRUST AND NEVER WILL TRUST. EVER. One of them is the reason I found out Project SAFE in Philly will protect a rapist if she can give a speech and make them look good in public. They’ll let their members date her despite knowing what I’ve said about her, and she threatened to out the member she was dating, a survival worker, in the lobby of a hotel. I know I’ll get a lot of flack, but a lot of “high class” escorts are abusive class tourists who could do any number of other things, but love that they’re in a world with tons of underprivileged people they can abuse with impunity. I’m sure some of them are ok, but I will never in my fucking life trust a “high class” worker because of my experiences with them. EXTRA FUCK YOU to the people in here who blamed you for a bad experience with a client. You didn’t deserve that whatsoever. Anyone should know screening isn’t fucking foolproof.

 

  • Jesus, I’m in this to work less hours while making the same amount I was making in my non sex work job. I’m happy making 500 a week, for me that’s a couple hour sessions. I don’t need LV bags or whatever the fuck is the new thirst trap label. I don’t have “FMTY” in my Twitter headline and I don’t refer to my clients as suitors. More power to the girls who are making bank but I just want to get by.

 

  • Jesus, I’m in this to work less hours while making the same amount I was making in my non sex work job. I’m happy making 500 a week, for me that’s a couple hour sessions. I don’t need LV bags or whatever the fuck is the new thirst trap label. I don’t have “FMTY” in my Twitter headline and I don’t refer to my clients as suitors. More power to the girls who are making bank but I just want to get by

 

  • And it’s not like my clients expect any less quality/energy from their bookings too. I do GFE. Mostly, mutual oral, deep throating, and chatting about your life as if I’m genuinely very interested are the standard for my bookings, even half my 20min ones which I make shit all off. And if I don’t keep up to standard I lose the regular.

 

  • I consider myself a very, very privileged sex worker and being an indoor worker has changed my whole circumstance. Even then, on my second ever day on the job I had a client take off the condom mid sex. I wasn’t on because at the time and had never taken the pill so I just remember crying and breaking down outside the pharmacy. I’ve had rougher experiences since. The industry has been kind to me compared to so many others out there but even still it’s a bitter reality check to heard my friend (another sex work) talk about her clients. Tipping well, sees her as more than a fuck machine and don’t push boundaries when she’s firm with them. It reminds me what the industry thinks of darker skinned women and our value. I like to focus on the good because I’ve been so lucky in so many ways but that doesn’t mean that the industry isn’t dark and that “high end escorting” is not the norm but just the loudest voices. Thanks for this post.

 

  • I don’t think those posters were trying to humble brag or shame other workers. They were just venting about their life. We all exist in a capitalistic (mixed in with a bit of post Protestant ethics) world where we are regularly sold the message that our ultimate goal in life is to earn as much money as possible. And we like stories that encourage that social conditioning especially stories that let us buy in to the fantasy that we too will one day make that much money. So it makes sense that when someone posts about making 2k a night she’ll get more traction because a lot of us our subconsciously thinking “shit I want to make that money”. Again I don’t think that complaining about time wasters or talking about your rates is bragging (or talking about the accomplishments and goals achieving) and I think telling these women to stay quiet and attributing bad motives to their posts is unfair. AND it’s also absolutely important that we take active steps to support our sisters who are earning less, make sure their posts are equally engaged, speak to them respectfully and treat them kindly, and help by offering them resources and pointing out other organizations that might help them.

 

  • I saw/commented on this in the other post about this that prompted your post here. While I see your point and agree that maybe people (myself included) who comment in this sub are a little more privileged than the average SW, I honestly think you took it a little harshly and you’re hurt by a very US-centric take on this whole thing. You’re in the UK, you have a slightly different degree of risk you take and it effects the market and rates, but most people on here are Americans. Also, while the whorearchy sucks, some of the whole rate thing is because if girls undersell themselves it depresses rates in the area for everyone, and people get a little weird about that for obvious reasons. I get being in a bad position and getting through it with SW and I know it’s different because I’ve been there too, but I think the comments you saw earlier were actual concern about people underselling themselves, not some weird elitism thing. Anyone in the industry should know that screening isn’t 100% though, that’s not cool.

 

  • This is NOT a negative post. This is a post advocating for the Sex Workers no one talks about unless it’s to shame or blame them. These are the workers that us privileged workers need to be standing up for. The words that come out of our privileged mouths matter! Its fine if you choose not to be in service to those fellow workers but the least you can do is validate them and change YOUR views on the work you do. I’m sick of the whorephobia that still runs rampant in many areas of sex work.

 

  • THANK YOU. I will die on this fucking hill. We are all the same, and we are one client or one experimental drug phase or one traumatic event or one shady boyfriend away from being hurt, or on the street, or having a pimp, or working for dope money. $200/hour is more or less the average rate for an “average” middle-class (privileged, indoor) sex worker. The average middle-class sex worker doesn’t ask for ID, doesn’t take deposits. She won’t make money. And like you said, even they aren’t the actual average. I don’t know about the whole “the average sex worker doesn’t have a smartphone” thing— I think that might be a stretch— but you’re absolutely right about the fact that street workers and lower rate indoor ladies are more average than anyone else. I’m sick of these girls— who know damn well that their $400, $500, $600/hour rate is not “average”— acting like they aren’t low-key bragging about how “high-end” they are. I’m sick of the elitist circles of “high-end” providers on social media who don’t give new or lower rate providers the time of day. I’m sick of the posts on here that casually mention their clients who take them for a $10k lunch, as if most girls on here aren’t making FAR less than that a month while working their asses off. I’m not saying they shouldn’t talk about it. I’m not saying they aren’t sex workers too. I’m just saying, I think the sex worker community needs to be way, way more inclusive. And we all know the “lower” and “middle” class sex workers aren’t the exclusive, elitist ones. I’m sick of the shaming of providers who use drugs, the shaming of providers for whom sex work is a consequence of trauma, the shaming of providers who don’t have degrees/careers, the shaming of providers who don’t actually enjoy their job. How can we shame the women who represent us? Why do we pretend these aren’t the women who represent us, when they are? We’re all one decision, one tragedy, one loss, one client, or one shitty partner away from an addiction, from a trauma, from working on the street. Let’s fucking treat each other with the love, care and respect our sisters deserve.
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