My boyfriend is bothered because I don’t Orgasm

l (26 Female) have never come from penetrative sex and I’m okay with that. I told my bf (30 Male) this when we first started dating so there would be no surprise. We’ve been together 10 months and over the last few I noticed he’d become distant and we weren’t as physical as before. I brought this up to him and he told me he sees sex as pointless since I don’t orgasm. I told him that just because I don’t finish it doesn’t mean I’m not having a good time, but it’s a hump he apparently is having a hard time getting over. And apparently he said all the girls (~7) he’s been with before have all finished so apparently I’m the odd one out (also feel like statistically something there isn’t adding up) Since this came up I’ve felt so broken and less confident in my body. I can’t even think about sex without getting depressed. I can’t just start faking orgasms because I don’t want to lie to him and plus that would be suspicious at this point. Is there a way to get past this? We really don’t want to break up but it seems it’s something he can’t seem to get past and I can’t really change how my body works.




  • Not orgasming from penetration is completely normal, I don’t orgasm from it either. I don’t understand why he isn’t fine with bringing you to orgasm in other ways. That’s like the bare minimum. You are not broken. You are normal.


  • It’s their obsession with their penises that makes them think that way. She must love my penis. She must always cum from just my penis. She must always be happy to see my penis no matter the circumstances. My penis is the most valuable part of me. I am my penis.


  • An alarming number of guys seems to think that their dick has magical powers. It’s also usually the same guys who thinks that shoving just about anything into a vagina, tampons included, will result in instant orgasm. Also, his other girlfriends totally faked it just to get him to shut the fuck up.


  • Yes, definitely + it seems like he’s too lazy to give her head or any kind of “job” before/afterwards in order to make her cum. Like if it isn’t ultimately enjoyable to him, he doesn’t want to put any effort.


  • Aside from a few nutjobs that actually think the way you described, I think that for most men it is a mix between wanting to share the orgasm experience with their partner and wanting to please their partner. If you cannot share an activity that works for you both it can take away from your own enjoyment of it. It takes some adjustment to accept that you will either do what works for him but does little for you, or what works for you and does little for him. If you’ve ever seen women on reddit complain that they bond by sharing the details of their day with their partners every day, but the guys seem uninterested and not invested in their stories, then you should know the general feeling that causes this issue. Enjoying something and wanting to share that enjoyment with the person you love is normal. Feeling a bit disappointed when your partner doesn’t enjoy something you enjoy a lot is normal. Feeling sad when your favorite pop culture reference goes over their head, or when your best joke is met by awkward silence is normal. It’s not because you think your jokes or references are magical, or because you believe your day-to-day events are so fascinating everyone should want to hear about them. You simply feel it is fun and important to you and wish it is so to your partner as well. Making fun of men for thinking their dicks are magic when in reality they just want to share the joy and pleasure with you seems quite rude and insensitive to me.


  • Yeah I think being able to climax from penetration alone is pretty rare… Does seem weird that every other single partner he’s had has been able to. Like, I can but definitely not always and only in certain positions and I know I’m rare and lucky for being able to do that. Maybe he was with women who faked? You said you can orgasm from a vibrator but what about oral? And clitoral stimulation while he’s inside you?


  • My ex-wife had a very specific way she’d masturbate and I had some trust issues when we were first dating where it was difficult for me to orgasm from sex. We both had to do a bit of a reset. For her it was physical and for me it was emotional. Once we got our issues resolved and got good at the coital alignment technique, we’d both orgasm at the same time about >90% of the time. I think we sort of both got conditioned to where we when either of us would be getting close, it would start to push the other one over the edge as well. For example, if we were doing doggy, then either I’d reach down and lend a hand, or if she was in the mood for having her hair pulled or something, then she’d lend herself a hand. And again, whenever one of us was getting close to orgasm, the other would catch right up. At that point, it really was a conditioned response for both of us though.


  • From my experience and I could very well be the problem. About 1/2 girls can’t orgasm from penetration. Doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it. Just means a partner should help them orgasm in other ways. My guess is previous women have lied to him and he is just ignorant to the reality of sex. Tbh it could be beneficial to show him this thread. To see all of the others like you and that it’s neither of your faults.


  • Lol he is delusional if he thinks every woman he’s been with was orgasming when they were in their 20s, betting some were faking it, but also – it gets easier in your 30s for a lot of women, so like, you’re still young and he needs to chill the fuck out and learn a bit more about how bodies work. Sex absolutely does not need to have a fucking quota for orgasms every time.


  • Girl I’m getting secondhand embarrassment on your boyfriend’s behalf from reading this because you just KNOW those other girlfriends were faking most of their “orgasms” from penetration. The majority of women simply do not get off like that, and if you’re not a fan of oral and he can’t seem to accept that you’re ok with not coming from penetration, wtf are you supposed to do? Will yourself into an orgasm? Nothing is less arousing than feeling pressured to orgasm so you don’t disappoint someone else. I know you don’t wanna blow things up but you do need to stand firm on the fact that there is nothing wrong with you, and him trying to make you feel like you need to change how you experience pleasure so that he can feel less inadequate is NOT ok. If he’s open to experimenting with things like other toys, different fingering techniques, edging etc. that’s great but it should be with the goal of expanding and increasing your repertoire of sexual experiences as a couple, NOT finding some new magical trick that will make you come when he wants you to. And if he insists that the only way he can enjoy sex with you is if you somehow miraculously start to cum from his dick despite the biological realities of how your body works, then you’re gonna have to throw the whole man away. Your boyfriend seems to think this is a “you” problem. It is not. It’s a him problem. He needs to expand his idea of what sexual pleasure looks like, with and without orgasms, and he needs to work on the insecurities that lead him to feel inadequate because you, like millions of other women, don’t get off from being “pounded in the cervix” or whatever other stupid thing so many cishet men seem to think produces orgasms in women. You are normal, and you deserve a sex life that lets you experience pleasure in the ways that work best for you.


  • All those girls before him were either lying or he didn’t think to ask them point blank. Orgasming from penetration alone isn’t impossible, and some lucky women experience it, but it’s not that common. I honestly don’t believe the 7 women before did. My ex was the same, but he just always assumed. It was years before he realized (by me telling him) I was not having an orgasm from sex. You need to incorporate toys, or he needs to work on you via oral or fingers to get you there priorto penetration.


  • I am extremely certain that if all of the other girls he’s been with have orgasmed from penetration alone, a solid majority of them were faking.


  • It’s so so common for women not to orgasm from just penetrative sex, I wonder if the others were also use toys while having sex? I would say less common to not orgasm with add clitoral stimuli. I did see you said you can’t climax that way either and have had sexual shame so don’t enjoy oral. I’m wondering if you’re able to climax on your own and maybe not able to with your partner from similar stimulation bc of that sexual shaming trauma? You’re not in any way broken but maybe sex therapy is something you want to consider in case a lot of it could be a mental block from things you’ve experienced in that past. I hope you don’t take this in anyway other than helpful, I definitely do understand what you’re saying and I’m Only commenting bc therapy is what helped me be able to climax with a partner and not just solo due to sexual trauma as well


  • If I had a nickel for every time a guy told me that all his previous partners had no problem orgasming from penetration, I’d be able to pay for an audience to show up at his house and sitcom laugh at that statement. Buddy, chances are most of them faked it. You’re not broken. I find it extremely concerning that neither you or him have thought about alternative ways to bring you to orgasm. Like, girl you have a clit.


  • Sex toys. If you and your partner want to enjoy sex you must bring sex toys into the equation. Especially, toys designed to stimulate the g spot. Use them by yourself and with your partner. Use a water based lube and it will also be far easier to reach orgasm. If you find after that, that you cannot orgasm internally you will know for sure. Let’s also not forget that women are more likely to orgasm by clitoral stimulation. Foreplay lots of foreplay is definitely needed for that. Sounds to me like you haven’t discovered what actually makes you orgasm. So I hope that these tips will provide some guidance.
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