My boyfriend (29m) convinced me (25f) to have a threesome with his best friend (32m) while drunk.

 I feel weird, would love some advice!

My boyfriend (I’ll call him T) convinced me to have a threesome with him and his best friend (I’ll call him M) last night. He wants to do it again and I don’t know how I feel about it. About a month ago he asked me if I ever fantasized about threesomes. I said that I’ve before (I’m bisexual) but I don’t actually want to have one because I only want to be with him/don’t want to see him with another girl. He told me he sometimes fantasies about it, but not with a girl, but with a guy. Which I thought was a bit strange since he’s straight and is sometimes jealous. A few days later he showed me a picture of M and asked if I thought he was hot. Which I do, M is extremely handsome. But I didn’t want to say that to him so I just said “not as cute as you” with a wink and left it at that. I met M last night (he’s visiting). Earlier in the day T had brought me shopping and to get my nails done. Which he does a couple of times a month. I’m not fashionable and he is so he likes to get me clothes. He bought me a black dress/lingerie and asked me to wear them to dinner. We met M for drinks and dinner. He seems like a cool guy. He’s very successful and I was a bit nervous to meet him. I’m a school teacher and they both have super high paying jobs. I love my job but feel a bit insecure dating T. My boyfriend cares about his opinion more than anyones and really looks up to him. They have been best friends for about 15 years. We went back to T’s place and kept drinking. T suggested we play strip poker (since I was drunk I didn’t realize at the time that it was a weird suggestion). Which I’m terrible at and quickly was down to my underwear. That’s when things got odd. T started making out with me in front of M. I was really drunk at this point. T told me that he wanted M to taste how good I taste and took off my underwear. Anyway, a threesome happened (nothing sexual between them/just sharing me).

Now that I’m sober I feel really weird about it all. It feels like it was all planned. T said it wasn’t, that in the moment the chemistry felt good so he went for it. He wants to do it again but I feel weird. I love T but I’m a bit confused. I know if I drink I’ll be fine with it and have a good time in the moment. But, I’m monogamous and meant it when I said I only wanted to be with him. I just really want to make him happy. Anyway, I’d love any advice on what I should do! Thank you in advance!

TLDR: My boyfriend’s best friend of 15 years is in town visiting and we had a threesome while drunk last night. They want to do it again, I’m not sure I want to though.

Edit to add: My boyfriend buying me clothes and helping me look good is normal behavior. I’m one of the only girls he’s dated that isn’t a model. My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful, just not good at dressing myself (which I’m not). He got me fancy to meet his parents too. His mom is a former model and has very high expectations. He didn’t want her to judge me. She loves me, we get along great, and she also likes to dress me. Appearance is very important in their family. It’s just a very different family culture than I’m used to, but I accept it. So, it really is very normal behavior that he dressed me yesterday.

Edit 2: Yes, I did enjoy the threesome at the time it happened. I would have said no if I’d been sober, but I didn’t say no and they made it a good time for me. Now that I’m sober I don’t want it to happen again. I communicated that boundary to him.

 

 

 

Comments

  • It was planned and if you have to get drunk to do something you shouldn’t be doing it.
    • Yes, I agree I shouldn’t do something if I have to be drunk for it. I will definitely be telling him a firm no to that ever happening again. I’ll let him know it’s a firm boundary and must be respected.
      • Considering how this all went down I think you guys need to have a bigger conversation than that. He floats the idea of threesomes in advance, starts showing you pictures of his mate knowing he would be visiting, he then takes you out to be pampered and bought you lingerie. Next he plies you with alcohol and encourages you to play strip poker, then starts sexing you in front of his mate knowing you were drunk and would have your inhibitions l owed, then he and his friend used you. If you don’t think they’ve been planning this behind your back for a while, I have a bridge you might be interested in buying. This is not a boundary issue. This is a, my boyfriend is a cunt issue.

 

 

  • They absolutely planned this, your bf just happened to take you shopping to buy the lbd & lingerie and to get your nails done before you met up with his friend for dinner & drinks. He gets you really drunk to a point that you can’t really consent to anything. They took advantage of you in your inebriated state. You should not stay with him; he’s banking on you not saying anything about you not consenting because you were too drunk. This isn’t the first time they have done this; I think you will find a string of women who were in the same situation. Don’t get me wrong, there will be women who consented to the threesome, but there will be others who were so drunk they couldn’t.

 

  • I think the reason you feel so weird is because on some level you know that what happened is not right. I agree with others. It was absolutely pre-planned. Let me ask you – did your bf know that you were bad at poker / card games? If yes, then there’s your proof that it was premeditated. He wanted you naked (or as close to) and that was a good way to get you there gradually in a non-threatening way. If he had asked you straight out to get naked and sleep with him and M, you probably would have said no. So he did it sneakily and when you were intoxicated with your inhibitions lowered. There’s something very malicious about that. Also, considering how the whole thing went down, frankly it sounded rehearsed, like they’ve done it before. Plus, you are a teacher. If your bf stomped all over your boundary on something like a threesome, what’s to say he won’t record you without your consent as well. Many a woman had her life ruined with explicit videos coming out. Something to consider.
  • And don’t let him downplay you feeling off about it. He may be comfortable with it but he wasn’t the one being pressured and manipulated. It’s not right. Idk but something is really off about the whole thing.

 

 

  • The fact that you are feeling like this afterward (crying in the bathroom as you say in a comment) should be further proof to you that you were unable to consent to what happened. It definitely was assault, even if they were drunk too. Honestly, I don’t think it actually matters whether or not he planned it ahead of time. He asked you when you were sober and you said no. Then he proceeded to take those actions without asking when you were drunk. Whether or not he planned it, that is sexual assault. You deserve so much more. I am sorry they did this to you. It’s not your fault.
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