Just something I’ve been thinking about. In your 20s, you have feel like you have so much time
and so many options. Then in your 30s, many people are paired off and married and starting
families, and for some singles, they feel the clock ticking if they want kids of their own. The pool
has narrowed down. Overall it feels like people get pickier as they are more clear on what they
want. But I’m wondering—does this start to change as you move into your 40s? Just thinking,
half of marriages end in divorce…so does the pool start to open up again as more people
inevitably get divorced? Does it become more fun and laid back if you happen to be thrown into
dating again as you age seeing as the pressure for kids and marriage is a little less? Genuinely
just a theory I am curious about. Does it better at any point or is it perpetually harder as time
goes on?
EDIT: Wow, thank you all for the feedback. It sounds like it’s all over the place, and largely
depends on your standards, location, etc. but overwhelming doesn’t get “better” as time goes.
Best of luck to everyone out there!

Comments
 I’m 52m, and so far I’ve found that it gets worse as I get older. I’m not sure how it is for
women. And a matter of fact, when I was in my 30’s (and married) I had women chatting
me up fairly often, that started to end as I approached 40, and by the time I was
divorced at 46 I found very few dates. Good luck out there.

 50M here … I tend to agree with the sentiment that it gets harder as you get older. Of
course, in my personal experience, I’ve had more than my fair share of health and
financial struggles to obscure the situation.

 As a 33F, I experience this as well. It’s so frustrating. I can’t understand why guys in their
30s are not ready for a commitment.

 Some are not ready for "another" commitment just yet. A year and a half ago I got out
of a 10 relationship + engagement. I am looking for a LTR, but I’m really selective with
where my emotional commitment is invested.

 Can’t speak for all men (obviously) but I found as I got older I became more aware of
what it was I was looking for in a relationship. I also got better at spotting red flags early.
The result was that I was willing to bail on budding relationships relatively early on
because I realized the person was not for me, or they exhibited a red flag of some sort.
I’m sure that from a certain POV this looked like I was not ready for commitment.

 Obviously not speaking for all, but I’m in my early 30s and coming out of a 10-year
marriage that didn’t work out. I’m not in a rush to make that mistake again. I think
online dating has created an ecosystem of feeling of missing out (FOMO).

 I’m in a bit of a weird in-between my place on this at the moment. Came out of a 7-year
dead end relationship 6 months ago and though I feel mentally ready for something
serious again and I’ve been looking at dating, I’ve since started a new degree and I’m
putting a lot of effort into self-care at the moment, so I’m genuinely not sure I have the
time. But I’m also not finishing my degree until June 2025, by which time I’ll be 39 and I
don’t want to wait that long. I’m also worried that women would see me as needing to
be fixed, when I actually just need patience while I’m fixing myself. I’m just going to dip
my toe in and see how things go.

 This is what I don’t get either. You’re not George Clooney, and chances are your life has
some form of stability. I think there is a “there’s gotta be something better” mentality
which is why they don’t want to commit. They think a Margot Robbie type is going to hit
them up even if they’re on the cute side of average, and perfectly decent women are
interested in them. Granted nobody should settle, but there’s a “pickiness” that seems
unfounded sometimes. My favorite is on apps when the men complain that there are a
lot of bots, I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen “is anyone real?” on a man’s
profile. There are plenty of real women on the apps as us ladies on this sub have
established.

 Probably the economy more than you think The economy has never really been good for
millennials, and employment continues to be further casualised. I’m fortunate enough
to have PhD in computing and a UK passport, which allows me to find good jobs that pay
well abroad, but these contracts last a year or two, and then I may have to move on to a
completely different country. A lot of my peers now are in marriages or long term
relationships, because, yeah, thirties. But it usually ends up with either them or the
partner having to compromise their careers. It’s especially hard if your partner has a
different nationality as visa restrictions can vary based on your nationality, so what gets
you in to a country might not get your partner in. On the other side, a few people I know
have accelerated their marriage plans for immigration purposes.