Lately I hate doing my hair and makeup. I feel depressed. And I’m in the process of ending things for good with a long time regular. Last week he shoved it in raw without asking. He ignores me when I text him and I end up blocking him. He calls from other numbers when he realizes I’m not fucking with him anymore. It’s been slow for me but he does give me extras and have come through for me when I needed extra for whatever. But the relationship is just toxic I may have feelings for him, he’s been my client a little over 5yrs. How do I tell him I can’t continue??? What do you ladies do for mental health? Hopefully nothing involving money or needs a lot of money.

Comments

• What he did to you is stealthing and that is assault and illegal. Tell him you’re not seeing him cause he assaulted you. Regular or not this is unacceptable behavior. Please blacklist him he is dangerous. I hope you are alright. Please talk with people that support you. Good clients don’t act like this

• I had a regular take condom off and cum on my back. I’m blocking him. He helped me out by seeing me regularly. Every two weeks usually. But seriously wtf, he asked for raw last session wtf

• I’m sorry. That sounds awful. What he did was NOT okay and you’re allowed to feel whatever you feel about it, no matter if he was a regular or a stranger. It’s assault and nobody should expect that you just forget about it. You sound like you’re feeling hopeless. I wonder how much of the depression you’re feeling is related to dealing with that relationship even before the assault? I’m wondering if he has a habit of violating boundaries with you, and if he does, over time that seriouslyimpacts your mental health. Like, way more than you’d think. In the end it can leave you feeling so insignificant you’re willing to accept crumbs. (I’m not projecting or anything, ha!). Seriously, I can’t afford therapy either. What has saved my life again and again is connecting to others online who were sharing my experiences and could validate everything I felt – and I learned why I felt that way. I think a good starting point would be groups for people in toxic relationships, or tend to have a pattern of doing so. Considering ending it after five years is a huge deal. You’re not ending a normal or healthy relationship. The process of letting go and not looking back is really hard and I’m proud of you for standing up for your wellbeing even long enough to make ending it an option. It’s so worth it when you get to the other side, I promise. You are worth more than what you have now. I’ll be rooting for you, whatever you decide is best.

• You don’t have to explain anything. He knows what he did. Pretending that he doesn’t know is just manipulation. You need to focus on yourself so you can heal. What hobbies did you have in the past? Caring for house plants or going on walks in the early morning are two examples that help me.

• Devil is in the details and not even the person that was there called it assault, and I tend to believe the person who has been “assaulted” needs to see it CLEARLY as such before one goes claiming it on the rooftops, and to be “assaulted” is also a slippery definition, especially when the person in question had already consented to sex for FIVE years. Sounds like definitions and particulars when a guy oversteps his mark in the sexual realm, as though boundary lines are always soberly thought through in any sex act, like having a conversation over tea! But one’s hatred of certain men in one’s own experience can make fair judgement of ALL men nearly impossible, particularly when it comes to all the tensions involved in the personal and business end of SW. Which is why I suggested to the person focus on yourself, and don’t get lost in one’s hatred or victimhood, as that too is a slippery slope into a perpetual resentment and soul sickness that does no one any good.