Most stupid thing client has said during an appointment

What are the most stupid shit clients have ever said during the appointment and how did you respond? This client in his 20s looked me dead in my eyes and said “now you cum once, twice. Three times before I cum.” I wanted to slap him but I faked it 4 times. It didn’t take him too long… maybe 10min max.





  • It was with a virgin, who really struggled to get his dick actually in me. We finally manage to wrestle him into place, we’re in mish, and he says ‘okay, now start squirting.’


  • “My last girl told me I couldn’t find the clit, but I’m gonna show you that I can!” he then proceeded to very passionately lick my outer labia, I was like oh yeah… sure you know where it is


  • “I bet you’re married. My dick is bigger than his isn’t it? I can tell because you’re so tight, he isn’t this big. I bet that’s why you’re doing this right? You don’t get enough good sex at home, with me you would always come, you would not have to do this.” In my head it’s funnier because he has a very thick Arabic accent and broken English – it’s hard to talk a big game when you’re not using your first language lol


  • Had a guy who with ZERO foreplay fucked my thighs for ~30 seconds (mistaking it for my pussy), came, and then had the nerve to ask me if I had an orgasm…


  • The funniest one for me is when they tell me they like it how I actually orgasm because so many providers fake it… I’ve never orgasmed with a client


  • My clients tell me all the time how much they love my “perfect” “natural” tits. I usually play along. It works in our favor that they can’t tell real from fake


  • Had a client who was struggling to get/stay hard the entire half hour (he told me about 15 min in that he had been drinking and doing lines all night…. I’ll never understand why guys do that shit and waste their time and money like umm no shit you can’t get hard dumbass!). After 25 min I let him know we had 5 min left and gently suggested we call it a night and just try again next time…. I shit you not when I tell you this man started PUNCHING, not slapping or tapping or aggressively rubbing but PUNCHING his own dick with what I can only assume was all of his strength!! With every punch he’s also grunting “why! Won’t! You! Get! Hard!” Well that was my cue to peace the fuck outta there!!! And no, there was absolutely not a next time lmao dear god these tricks are something else.


  • It wasn’t during sex itself, but it still cracks me up. Dude in a typical single dude house. There’s a couch, a big tv, a coffee table, and literally nothing else in the living room. Nothing on the walls. Anyway he was trying to “impress” me with what a baller he thought he was, and he literally gestures to the barren room and says, “as you can tell, I am used to a certain quality of life”.


  • At the end of my session last night, after the client had gotten dressed, he just stood there tensely with his belongings then finally looked at me and asked, “can I go now?” like I was his damn mother 😭 lmaooo, yes, john, you may GO


  • “Um do I need to worry about anything? I mean your clean right?” Said 30 seconds after he cums. Didn’t seem to be a concern before you came when you were trying to sneak in some raw camel slides the whole time suddenly now you’re concerned?


  • Omg I just had this happen but my period started while he had been eating it, he didn’t even notice, I noticed there was blood on the sheets when we went to change positions. He starts freaking out and asking me about STDs like sir if you were concerned about that you should have asked before you put my pussy in your mouth, my period starting doesn’t magically activate the STDs


  • I encouraged him to talk dirty and all he could muster was, “I’M GONNA FUCK YOUR LIGHTS OUT” it took everything to not laugh in his face.


  • I wasn’t fucking but whilst I was giving him oral then he complained that it was “too wet” and could I do it more “dry” 😂 and I said that all other men want wet sloppy oral & the only way I could stop my saliva is putting on a condom! He didn’t like that! 😂😂


    • Aaah, I had a dry oral dude, too! I refused to see him after that and specified it was because he was too particular about oral so I clearly wasn’t the girl for him and he said ‘no, it’s fine, I’ll just teach you how I like it. You’ll get the hang of it!’ Fuuuuck all these men.


  • I was seeing a regular for some time, and we had a playful relationship. I told him that every session, he could ask one personal question of me (I’m thinking he would ask legal name, family, where I grew up, something along those lines). His first question was “on a scale from 1 to 10, how attracted are you to me.” LOLOLOL. Side note: I am not attracted to him at all. He is annoying, but he books regular shorter sessions. Quickly I responded, “a seven,” thinking that it would be the most plausible answer that would not hurt his feelings. He became obsessed. He would text me saying “blah blah blah, pretty good for a seven, right?” And it was even worse in session. Finally, I decided to raise my rates (by $50 bucks per hour), and I told him it was applicable to all clients. He threw a fit. I’m talking – paragraph after paragraph of texts. Said he has to “process this.” By this point, I was so f*cking done. I responded, “well, maybe if you were an 8.” The text conversation continued on his part. I never responded. I haven’t seen him since the summer, but I have received well wishes texts on holidays. Oh well, don’t miss him.


  • “Yeah baby, you like that?” As he very passionately rubbed my upper thigh 😂


  • God I immediately thought “cum once, twice, three times a ladddddyyyyyy” I’m the worst. Anyway the dumbest shit I heard was “I want to be your boyfriend” or “I love you” but that’s about it.


  • Had a client that would make this high pitched squeal sound when he came. He sounded like a tea kettle, I shit you not. It was the craziest thing. Took me, mind body and soul not to laugh 😭😂🤣🤣🤣


  • “So what do you do?” Ummmm. This. I do this. I do you. This is my job.


  • Also the other day I had a fucking idiot who asked me if I provided “lactation fetish” I’m 45 years old. And that’s clearly on my profile. I’m pre-menopausal you dumb fuck. The last time my breasts had milk was in 1996.
Your comment

© 2023 #1 Escort Site Accra Ghana | Find High-end Escorts & Sex Workers || Legal
error: Content is protected !!