So this is a serious question for all us sex workers. A lot of times people, especially from my family keep telling me that I(28F) need to switch to my previous vanilla and low paying job, who was making me miserable but yet was more prestigious and socially acceptable and quit sex work, in order to settle down because I will not be able to find a quality man if I keep doing this, they say.
The thing is that I really enjoy sex work and the money also is amazing, I love the freedom, the flexibility, everything. I can make and save more money, do more of the things that I love such as traveling, shopping, beauty treatments, etc. But my mother especially believes that I will regret it long term and I need to return to my vanilla job and find a good guy and settle down. I just want to keep doing this as long as it makes me happy. What do you think? Would you quit sex work for the sole purpose of starting seriously dating again and finding your soul mate or future husband? I know many of you will say that many men will accept this kind of job and maybe this is true, but in Europe especially in my country probably people have a lot more stereotypes. I wait your replies, thank you.
- I saw this thing awhile back, I’m going to butcher it, but the basic premise was what an older woman would tell her younger self or younger girls. Don’t give your youth away for men. Don’t let their snide remarks alter your values. Don’t allow yourself to be swayed by a future others want for you. Life for you. I wish I’d been able to do this for myself. Maybe I still can but I’ve got a lot of work to do to get there. Pressure to conform is very strong from society. It’s hard. But I think it’s worth sticking to your guns if you’re satisfied with your life. If you are, you’ve already won in life.
- Keep doing what makes you happy. Settling down when you aren’t ready will only make you bitter and resentful. If being in a relationship is necessary for your mother, make one up. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. That being said, I am at the point in my journey where I would give it up for someone that was able to be a true partner, honest friend and trusted confidant. It sucks not being able to share the amazing things I’ve done with someone sometimes.
- I also don’t understand why “settling down” is somehow mutually exclusive from doing sex work??? I am a sex worker, I just bought a house and will move there with my husband and continue to be settled down and we will not have children and we will continue doing sex work. lol these concepts are so ludicrous when we really break them down.
- Work until I’m unhappy. That’s what I’ve done actually. I learned my lesson and started refusing any potential partner that wasn’t fully supportive of my sex work, and didn’t over sexualize me either. Now I’m engaged to the greatest person ever, and actually recently decided to leave the industry as it hadn’t been good for my mental health for a very long time. Knowing I could do whatever I chose and still have an amazing support system actually provided me what I needed to leave the industry as it hadn’t made me happy the final year
- No, I’m already very settled. I have a house and all that jazz. I don’t think I’ll quit SW. I also have a vanilla job. But I can have a dinner date and make 2500….why would I just give that up? A marriage is the most serious business decision you’ll ever make. Why would I close my business unless I was leaving for a higher paying, easier working business?
- Fuck what society says about how a woman should live their lives! Do whatever make YOU happy! I never want the vanilla life and settle down. Most of those type of relationships I see they are miserable and unhappy
- I’d never give up sex work. I do work fulltime, and do sex work part time. I gave up on love, being a good woman, and giving a damn about family when my poor little heart was broken when I was younger. Besides, sex work encourages me to remain single because I love tricking and do not trust a man. I’m more successful being anyone’s wh0re, rather than me putting faith in one man who I’d give the world to. Although this isn’t for everyone, I do encourage giving up some things for goals you see yourself in the future. No one is perfect and if you have a good guy, want a good man or a future with a man, considering leaving adult work would be nice, but not my biitch asss, girl the only man in me is a paying one, or I can play the nun celibate game because my vajayjay got a barcode, no exemptions. I’d probably check myself into a hospital for a month if I ever loved a man and slept with him for free. Jesus🕊💫😂
- If you’re successful at something and like it, why quit. Keep going as long as you want. On the other hand, if you want to move on to a different phase of life, then quit. In either case: know how to invest your money so you don’t need to work out of necessity.
- Honestly me and my hubby talked about it for a while and I always wanted to show off to people but not let them touch. So I made an onlyfans our love life has improved 200% It showed me that even though I’m a mother of three I’m still sexy! Since I do with him a nothing is hidden its guilt free and we are happy!
- Who wants to spend their life tied down to some man? 😵💫 That’s my worst nightmare.
- Haha exactly my thoughts. But it’s so difficult to explain this to some people. For some the most important thing in life is to get married and make a family. I suffocate with this idea, it’s not my type. I would probably like to get married if I find the right person but I don’t want children. The other thing is that I really enjoy the variety that offers sex work, it’s thrilling. I like to experience different men, I love sex and I like to touch and feel a variety of men. Also I like to feel financially independent and most of the boring vanilla jobs don’t pay as much as sex work.
- Settle down with who? Haven’t seen any men in my life that actually go above the minimum standard of being respectful and clean. I’m happy where I am. Only a few hours a day and I’ve got a happy wage.
- Depends what sort of person u r and what makes you happy. I’ll share my experience, take it with a grain of salt but it’s good to get different perspectives ……. I first started in this industry as an exotic dancer and I had the same mentality as your mother and was worried I was now “tarnished” and had messed up my chances of meeting a man and settling down. Then I met “the man of my dreams” quit working and got married. He was everything I wanted and quite wealthy so I thought I would never have to worry about working a day of my life again lol (oh how wrong I was). I thought all my dreams had come true. But like most marriages it didn’t last long (he was extremely controlling and violent). So I left him only taking with me a suitcase and $500. Because I still had the same mentality and hopes and dreams of finding my next husband I didn’t want to mess those up by working in the sex industry again (even though I wanted to) plus I moved back to my home town and my parents would have disowned me. So I went back to the corporate world and slaved away being treated like shit, hating life and earning just enough to get buy. I remember some mornings when my alarm went off I would start crying and sometimes after finishing my lunch break on my walk back to the office I would fantasize about getting run over by a car so I could go to hospital and not have to go back to work. These jobs weren’t even bad most people would be more than happy to work there but I was delusional and wanted to be cast in the next season of real housewives of Beverly Hills or something (jokes kinda lol). After about 4 years of trying to keep up this charade I thought fuck it, why do all this shit to keep my family, society and possible future husband (who I’ve never meet) happy. None of these people have helped me when I needed it but they have these high expectations of me that I have to uphold. I decided I’m not going to lose any more of my best money making years on a man I might not ever meet. So I quit my job and started doing full service escorting. 10 years on and a lot of therapy later my “dream life” is nearly the opposite of what I thought my “dream life” was and I’m a totally different person. I’ve been single for 8 years and although I never say never I can’t see myself having a relationship (I’m a F42yo) again. I love my freedom and while I can’t say I love my job I actually really enjoy it. But most importantly, it’s given me the time and money to work on and get to know myself. That’s something I’m so grateful for and not many are able to do. Anyway that was really long hopefully it’s interesting to someone lol. I hope whatever path you choose you find happiness and live your best life xx
- Literally look at any sociological study on the division of unpaid labor (home care, child care, general wellbeing tasks and appointments etc.), and see how much women sacrifice for men. In most marriages or long-term heterosexual relationships, we’re the ones running the home, caring for the children, making doctor’s appointments, following up on tasks, planning for the future, we’re the ones who sacrifice years of personal finance and growth to support a husband or boyfriend in their career or personal endeavors. We serve as free therapists, free maids, free sex toys, free caretakers of children. We sacrifice our bodies for pregnancy, childbirth, all for men who eventually complain our bruised and ripped vaginas didn’t bounce back fast enough to get their dick wet and that our stretch marks and wrinkles gross them out. And in the event of divorce, our value is put through the ringer. We’re told our income or labor didn’t contribute as much to the family as his measly paycheck. Even the most feminist man drags his feet at being an egalitarian partner on the day to day grind. So. No. Do not sacrifice your independence for a man who would never do the same for you. Put yourself first. First of all, it’ll make you safer and happier. And second of all, it’ll weed out the entitled losers who expect everything from you while they give the bare minimum.
- Nearly every escort that I have seen over the years has gotten out for one reason or another. Whether you are going to buck that trend or not is entirely up to you but if my experiences can speak to anything it would be that sooner or later your time will come too. I am of the opinion that only an individual can figure out how best to live their lives
- I can’t tell you what is best for you, however I can give you my experience. I had the “dream life”, perfect man etc… it’s an empty happiness. I’m now independently financially secure and live a life I’m truly happy in and that doesn’t involve a man. I wouldn’t quit my work for one, that’s for sure.
- Had a client that would make this high pitched squeal sound when he came. He sounded like a tea kettle, I shit you not. It was the craziest thing. Took me, mind body and soul not to laugh 😭😂🤣🤣🤣
- i will be sex working until my granny ass sags down to the floor. even then I’ll find some weirdo who wants to pay me to pick it up off the floor and put it on his face. this is the only life for me. but also, I found my husband in the civilian world and we’ve been together for almost 12 years. parent’s boss’s society will all make you think the life you love and want for yourself is somehow impossible- it isn’t. BE YOU do what you love and live your life UNAPOLOGETICALLY and you will watch in awe as it unfolds in front of you exactly how you want it to. don’t let the haters and jealous people – yes, even your own family – convince you that your dreams aren’t a perfectly valid way of living a life.
- I met a quality man while still a professional ho. It’s been eight years, pets, a wedding, and a house later, and he’s still here. I quit the business after a few years, but only because a job I liked that paid well, had a pension, and good benefits came along. I’d still be jerking off guys on their lunch breaks if it hadn’t. Not wanting to be with a guy or in a relationship at all is also equally valid.
- Personally I have a “vanilla” job and I do SW (online) it’s honestly up to you not anyone else what you do for your money. All your mum needs to care about is if you’re mental well-being is good and if you’re as safe as you can be. It’s your life not a do over of your parents and families
- So I have goals for sex work – pay off debt, save to run a business and buy an apartment. I like sex work and I want to put myself and my own happiness above anyone else’s. If someone I’m dating can’t accept that I do sex work, then they’re not someone I would date even if I didn’t do it. I don’t plan on having children and marriage seems more of a burden than anything 🤷♀️
- I’ve been a sex worker since 2014, and I met my husband in 2016. I’m still a sex worker and still happily married. There are quality men out there that aren’t jealous and are okay with this kind of work. You don’t have to choose between boyfriend or working. You can do both.
- My suggestion is to do sex work till you find a man you want to quit for. I own a massage parlor and those who are in relationships and even married, lie about their job. Those who are honest and their partners know about it, I’ve only known one happy couple in the 200 or so I’ve worked with. Keep working, saving, having some kind of backup plan and when/if the right guy comes along, then stop sex working and be with him. The guys you date now; you don’t need to tell about your work (I feel). When you are older you might regret not making more money while you were single and unattached. If you get serious with a guy and it doesn’t work out, then go back to sex work.
- I feel this from time to time just landed a new job and will be doing sex work part time , also dating sucks nowadays so while I’m not actively seeing someone I choose to focus on myself but also I need to be stable in life like career wise work on that first and who knows along the way I’ll meet someone.
- I’m an in-person sex worker contemplating trying online as well, and I’m engaged to an amazing man who knows what I do and is proud of me for it. It also sounds like you’re only contemplating going back to a civ job because of what others think. Ask yourself this: If no one was telling you to, would you yourself consider going back to a civ job? Or are you content with what you do now? What are the reasons you are/aren’t contemplating switching, and do any of them relate to anything other than yourself and your wants/needs? Fuck society, honestly. Being accepted by society is NOT worth being miserable, stressed, &/or having less money. Do what the fuck you wanna do.
- Chiming in as an awesome “good guy” that recently settled down haha…maybe being open to swinging and “lighter”/low key levels of sex work is something that can allow for a happy middle ground with a potential partner. My amazing girlfriend was starting online sex work at the time I met her and I definitely enjoyed and respected providers up to that point. We’ve spoken on ethnical non-monogamy, and the swinging space looks like it’ll have the variety part (but not the money potential, full freedom, etc.) that we both want to enjoy. We both have very conventional and decent-paying careers, although with lots of annual vacay time (education) to play, earn, etc.