Hey guys, reaching out because my boyfriend and I got in another argument about my work/money. I’m honest with him about my money, and what I do. But he always brings up “you just get a free ride through your 20’s, your life is so much easier than others” I agree with him and say yes I’m privileged to be able to do what I’m doing. But he consistently brings it up like he has a problem with it. Which he says he doesn’t? He will sometimes ask me for money, and insists that I pay more for our rent because I make so much more then him. I have agreed to do so. Feeling rather strange about doing it. I love and care about him so I do it. But I feel slightly taken advantage of. More or less just disrespected that he always tells me my job is so easy. And that I get a free ride. I still earn what I have. I suppose you could just call me lucky. In the past when I’ve told him I made X amount of dollars this month he gets upset. So I don’t always share this information with him now. We consistently argue about this and I’m at a cross road right now. I’ve been thinking about talking to a therapist. I don’t know where else to go so I’m asking for some advice please.
- Free ride? SW might be fast and abundant money but it damn sure isn’t easy or a free ride!!! This shit is mentally, emotionally and physically draining! I hate it when people assume we don’t “work” just because we don’t clock in for a 9-5. I’m so sorry you are going thru this!
- My day job is very “easy.” I sit inside, in the air conditioning, there’s no heavy lifting, I can take a nap if I want to (usually) and I don’t even have to get dressed some days. Mostly I just sit and think. But if I fuck up, somebody could go to jail. Somebody might even die. I won’t compare that to the social stigma and actual, physical dangers SW face, but I will say that anybody who can’t see that not all “hard” jobs involve a lot of labor or whatever doesn’t understand how jobs actually
- That’s the big fucking joke! Everyone thinks this job is so damn easy! If you are just a run of the mill escort it’s not easy at all and even the high end ladies have their bad days as well. It’s not easy and it is work! If it was so fucking easy why isn’t everyone doing it? Don’t say because it’s illegal because that’s bullshit. Plenty places where it’s legal and still not everyone can or will do it.
- Your partner is the one that needs to work out some shit with a therapist. Something’s bothering him, and he’s venting like a child. Your partner should be happy for you when you do well. And if it’s so easy, maybe he should get his ass out there and earn.
- I won’t pretend to know what it’s like for a sex worker relationship, but *in general, * if a man is threatened by what his SO does in that they make a lot more money than he does and don’t seem to work as hard… there’s no coming back from that. That’s a foundational attitude about how relationships should go. Either it bugs you or it doesn’t. If it does, it does, and it always will. Add in the “she makes more money than I do andshe earns it having sex with other guys,” well, like I said, I won’t pretend to know what that’s like but I can’t see it making things better.
- Sex work isn’t easy! No no no! Why is he asking you for money? My bf is in the military. He doesn’t get much but he has never asked me for money? You are using this as an excuse!!! Please there are so many fish in the sea!!!!!
- Dump him. If he actually loved you, he would be putting every effort into understanding your work and all the ways it can actually be difficult AND dangerous. He certainly wouldn’t be making you feel used for money and forcing you to see more clients just to support him. You deserve a partner that makes your life EASIER, not harder.
It seems he’s belittling her for how she earns her money. It’s not like she sits around all day and the money comes willingly! Sex work is soooo much work! Anyone with some level of empathy can understand the toll and the emotional damage that sex work actually brings.
- I mean earlier in my relationship when I paid bills we split the bills based on income. I was making more and suggested I pay a larger portion, now he makes way more and has suggested I simply save what would be my portion of rent based on income for the down payment for our house next year. With that being said, I have an issue with every other part of it. He shouldn’t be talking down on you for “having a free ride” being a sex worker is HARDLY a free ride. The emotional and physical trauma we endure, the inherent danger every moment of working. You need a partner who understands that. Regardless of how much money I bring in my partner is so fucking supportive. He doesn’t look at it as an easy ride, he looks at what I can do as incredibly impressive, and something he admires about me. He looks at it as someone whose spent 9 years curating a very successful image, approach, and ability to build lasting rapport with people of all walks. He admires my wit and intellect which rarely get showcased outside of my work, that is what a supportive partner should be for a sex worker. Sounds like he fundamentally has issues with sex work
Sounds like he’s using you while simultaneously putting you down and minimizing the actual work that goes into being a SW. I bet he couldn’t handle it if he tried! Are you sure this doesn’t stem from some hidden jealousy surrounding you sleeping with other men? Not all men are ok with dating a SW even if they initially say they are.