I am a client with a fair amount of experience meeting with sex workers(SW). I always laughed off the idea of catching feelings. I’ve been really good at compartmentalizing and keeping things in perspective. But now, it’s happened to me. I caught feelings. I’ve met with her several times over the last few months. The sex is nice, the banter is really fun (we have our own complicated in-jokes) and better than all of that is the kissing and cuddling. She routinely gives me extra time and always seems happy to see me. Reading over her reviews from other clients, it seems I’m getting treatment others aren’t (people complain about the lack of GFE and the feeling of things being mechanical) even though I’m not paying anything extra. Do SWs play favorites like that? What do I, as a client, do about this? Do I let things cool off before continuing to see her? Do I even consider broaching something else? Am I probably overthinking things and confusing good customer service with something else? Any insights and suggestions, even toughly worded, are appreciated.

Comments

• I just came back home from seeing one of my favorite clients. I sincerely enjoy his company, sex is awesome, we talk and laugh and have fun with each other. We’re the same age and he’s super cute. Time just flies with him. But at the end of the day that’s what he is to me, one of my clients. He’s one of the people who makes my work enjoyable. But it’s still work. You can always ask, but prepare to be disappointed.
  • Thank you for this perspective. It’s sobering. From your vantage point, would it be “spoiling” or annoying if your client in this situation suddenly expressed feelings for you? In my case, I’m not even sure what it is I want, I’m just trying to process this all.

• I’ve had this happen with another one of my favorite clients whom I’ve been seeing for over a year and probably 30 times now and I just awkwardly laughed it away. We’ve kept on seeing each other and it’s still great, he only asked once and agreed to my boundaries. If he kept on asking, I’d most likely feel pressured and would cut him off. For me personally there’s no way I would pursue any other than professional relationship with any of my clients, no matter how great they are and I’m sure it’s the same for most providers.

• She does not have feelings for you. She gives you extra time and attention because you are probably a frequent client. I do the same to my most frequent clients. Even if a client pays the same as the others per session, if a client pays for more sessions, they are still paying the provider more money, so therefore they become a favorite. She offers GFE, so she is probably very good at making it feel real. She likes you, but not sexually/romantically in any way. If you reveal you have feelings for her, she might cut you off. Personally, I pull away from clients who catch feelings because it pushes my boundaries and can lead to scary situations. When a client catches feelings, it’s usually a situation with one of two outcomes: the sex worker tells the client they do not have feelings for them and they take it positively (meaning they don’t try to push, threaten, or coerce us into dating them anyway) or, b. they get jealous, obsessive, and possibly violent. The last client that caught feelings for me hacked my phone and put spyware on it so he could see all my messages with everyone I texted, and he knew where I was at all times (but that’s a long crazy story so I won’t get into it) While you’re not one of these bad guys and definitely mean no harm, many sex workers will just automatically block you if you admit you have feelings and won’t run the chance of it becoming a bad situation, because we are all hyper vigilant from our SW pasts. We really have no way of knowing who is safe and who isn’t, because sometimes the worst predators can be the friendliest clients. And we can’t really afford to play a guessing game, because if we go missing we’re the last type of woman the police will prioritize looking for, and we can’t go to the police anyways if we’re in trouble because our existence is illegal, so most sex workers won’t roll the dice and will just not go any further with a client who has feelings. Some sex workers might also choose option c, which is to pretend to reciprocate feelings for the client in order to extort extra money from them. I personally don’t do this for many reasons (starting with the fact that it’s cruel) and leads to a bad situation either way, because it’s not sustainable forever, worst case scenario it ends in assault because the client was angry. Imagine your worst case scenario happened: you told her, and she doesn’t feel the same. Ask yourself, would you still have a good experience if you kept seeing her, or would the rejection get in the way? And if you kept seeing her and said nothing at all, would you be content just getting her service and not telling her your real feelings? If you can continue getting her service in those situations and still enjoy her company, then continue seeing her. If not, I would probably try to find a new provider. At the end of the day, sex workers are here to do their job: provide services to the client. We are not looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Best of luck, hope this response helps 👋

• Please accept her kindness and just enjoy it during the booking. She will most likely think you are just a very good client so will be treating you with the respect you deserve as a decent human being. As a worker myself it gets so hard when clients blur the lines and start to catch feels and fall in love. I’m nice and caring but once i feel that clinginess i have to be cold and cut them off. Please and to any clients reading this, if it’s really good it’s because we are amazing at our jobs and you are probably behaving like a decent person. we are grateful when you’re not a fuckwit pest and so you’ll get the best out of us during the time spent together.

• If you are a young man, full of testosterone, and you don’t walk out of there thinking you’re in love, she’s not doing her job. Just be careful because the fantasy is much better than the reality. Enjoy it. I wish I could trick myself into feeling those feelings again with an escort.

• Ok…we have a friend that is a SW and did marry a client. This is rare but here is some perspective, let’s say you are a doctor/lawyer/$500 per your professional and one of your clients is awesome, in fact you could see yourself in a relationship; would it be appropriate to risk your reputation and engage in a relationship with this client? Would you be willing to have a personal relationship and a professional relationship with this client? Most importantly, how would you react if this client now expects special treatment because of your personal relationship? Life is chaos, and sometimes the most unlikely things do happen. Whatever decision you make, do so with compassion, empathy and mutual respect. Remember when this happens in most cases it’s some form of “BRO! I dickmatized her bro!! She will be paying me!!” Or “I’ll be her saviour” don’t be that twat..:..

• Why mess up a good thing? I have a few awesome clients that are married so I still have a great time with them and try not to care too much. These guys are the most generous ones though, maybe it is all about the money but maybe I am just turned on by generous men.

• I’m literally fairly certain y’all catching feelings have low social awareness or something— as a client I always read crazy reviews how they are so good at GFE or whatever and when I see them I can tell that they are just faking they are just good at it

• You don’t do anything. She’s not a robot, you don’t need to worry about whether other clients are getting less. Most guys aren’t going to see a girl more than once, and very few more than 2-3x. You’re spending way more on her than the other guys. Put yourself in her shoes. She probably is advertising on one or more sites for in-person meetings, maintaining an onlyfans, maybe booking skype appointments or working on some cam site as well, maintaining IG + twitter accounts where she’s getting hundreds or thousands of notifications per day, and more. It’s a grind to get bookings and weed out the time-wasters. And here you are, some guy where it takes 1 minute of work over text or email to set up an appointment. Evenif she really likes you, she has to be really damn sure about it before she’s going to risk jeopardizing that kind of regular income. I’d still recommend backing off a bit. She’s going to see you as “the reliable source of $X every month” or whatever, you’re just an ATM to her. Maybe she enjoys your company during work hours, but she doesn’t want a relationship with you. I had a SW I was seeing every few weeks, and one time she suggested I should take her out to a concert after a meeting. I did, and we had a few more meetings after that, but things went downhill pretty quickly. Wouldn’t recommend. 6 months later I had my final meeting with her, she said some nasty things, and I lost all interest in her and never contacted her again. But I’ve moved on to seeing some other folks still somewhat regularly but much less often. Not looking to see any particular provider more than once every 3 months anymore. Any more often than that, and they start setting certain financial expectations I think.

• Sometimes when a client is bare minimum nice to me it makes me feel comfortable so I will relax and more likely have a good time and definitely act like I’m having a good time. Sometimes when I’m having a shit day I’ll be soooooo lovely bc I don’t have the energy to clap back to your rudeness. Sometimes if you piss me off I’ll give attitude or straight up end the booking. At the end of the day I have never even remotely felt anything towards a client other than how can I best provide a service to suit their needs so that they will book me again. I would also never mix business with personal so it would be a polite decline from me if a client asked me out. I also like to remind clients that they don’t actually know the real me, they know the fantasy I provide. Even the banter, I might genuinely tell clients things about my personal life, but never enough that they know my world views or politics or philosophy on life. What I’m getting at is, and I know I’m not alone in my experiences, it’s pretty unlikely that a worker would consider dating a client for free. The only loophole I’ve ever heard of was when a friend I work with had a guy watch their OF and then they met irl in an organic way and ended up hitting it off, and they acknowledged the power imbalance of him already seeing them naked, but he was mature and respected what my friend said, took that on board and told them that he wouldn’t look at their OF now they have a different relationship etc. and ended up being rly cute vibes between them both.

• I’m a client that went through this, and I advise you not to think about her as more than a worker. She might like you AS A CLIENT, she may prefer you to other clients, but she is on the clock. She is never off the clock. She’s on the clock when she’s in the room with you. She’s on the clock when she’s texting you. I mean, think about it. Do you really know her? Can you? Can you be yourself when you’re with your boss, even when you’re just grabbing drinks after work? Maybe find another provider for a while and see how you feel about her after.

Edit: for context, the person I saw quit the profession and we stayed friends. The person I thought I knew was still there, but…. different.